Being on your own

The past twenty days or so, I have been a geographic bachelor as my wife went to the States to attend to my daughter. I stayed home to take care of the dog, who like me, is getting a little older and crazier, and needs to be watched. Now back in the day, the Army or my other work sent me places where I was away from home for extended periods of time, but that was business travel, which is an entirely different ballgame. You go somewhere exotic for some specific reason, you have some specific mission, you complete it and you go home. All your away time is spent doing what they sent you for so you can go home.

This was something entirely different. I was home, in familiar settings, but by myself. Except for my dog, who is not much of a conversationalist. He basically asks “can we go out now?” or “is any of that food for me?” or yells “OMG, there is a truck outside stealing our trash DO SOMETHING!” Other than that, he just lays there and asks “where’s Mom?” Over and over and over again.

After graduating from West Point, I got married five days later, so I had very limited bachelor time. This was a learning experience for me. Here is what I learned:

• Cooking for one is a PITA. Contrary to popular opinion, I can cook, but I don’t like to cook. I so don’t like to cook that I don’t even like to grill, which I know is a big man-card issue. To me, its just cooking outdoors, so WTH? My lovely wife likes to cook, and likes to eat healthy, so my normal routine consists of (a) becoming hungry, (b) asking when breakfast/lunch/dinner is, (c) eating, and (d) cleaning up. When you are alone, by the time I get hungry, I think, “I need to defrost something” which leads nowhere fast or somewhere quick and not very good. I prepare double portions with the hope I’ll be willing to reheat/eat left-overs, which I then fail to do. Oh, and there’s still that clean up thing, too.
• Do not get sick, under any circumstances! If you get sick, make sure your friends rescue you, or you will die. This may sound drastic, but bear with me. I got stomach flu. You get so weak you can’t go out to the doctor. Also, I didn’t want to go to the doctor and get sent to the hospital, because what do I do with the dog? Luckily I have friends who brought food, drinks, and would have done more if I asked. But the bottom line is, when you are alone, the margin of error gets pretty close to zero.
• Have a fire-proof house.  This requires some explanation. I have told my wife on more than one occasion that we don’t need to worry about fire, because our casa is brick and mortar and there is nothing to burn. I went one step further this past week by testing that hypothesis. As I was recovering from the flu, I decided to make a pot of tea (lapsong souchong, in case you were wondering) to ease my symptoms. At around 8:00 pm I put some water in a pot on our gas stove to boil, and went back to my computer screen. Around 10:00 pm I took the dog out for a final walk, then went back and went to bed. After a fitful night, I awoke at 7:00 am and went to take the dog out again. When I came back to the kitchen, I hit a wave of hot air: what the? There was the pot, still on the flame eleven hours later! The water was (of course) all gone, the pot was oh-so-hot, but otherwise, nothing was wrong. I did use about 10% of the gas in my propane tank, but given the possibilities, that was a loss I was happy to accept. The real lesson is not fire-proofing as much as it is when you’re alone, there is no one to double check you for stupidity. In this case my guardian angel was working overtime.
• I have a wonderful wife; this I already knew. There is nothing like an enforced absence to crystallize the concept. I know I am spoiled, that I made one really good decision in life and have been benefiting from it ever since. I did not suspect that she was also my muse, as I have found it hard to think of things to write about while she was absent. I think this verse says it all:

The Lord God said “It is not good for the man to be alone.”

The man said, “at last, this one is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.”

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife…

— Genesis 2:18, 23-24.