Don’t be him…or her!

Right now you’re probably in the middle of the annual Thanksgiving gathering of friends and family. If you’re reading this, you probably should PUT DOWN THE DEVICE AND TALK TO REAL PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAVELED FAR JUST TO BE WITH YOU. Or perhaps you’re hiding in the bedroom or bathroom just to get away from the same people (yes, everyone does it).

If so, you’ve certainly run into that dear old friend or distant relation who holds, shall we say, unorthodox views, and always finds a way to start talking about them. “You know they faked (the moon landing/9-11 attack/Kennedy assassination)?” he says out of nowhere, or she opines           “(Trump/Pence/Clinton/Obama) is really the President because (bogus political website) said the election was illegitimate.” Maybe even “I heard (current scam product) can cure (cancer/erectile dysfunction/baldness).”

And the gathering is off to the races, rarely for the better.

Sorry, I have no suggestions for dealing with them. But I do have a plea: don’t be that person. “What!?!”–you say–you would never BE that person. And I admit, my friends (and I) would NEVER be the kind of dreadful bore who engages in such behavior in person.

But online, well, that’s another story, eh?

We all know people who are perfectly normal in the real world, but go all Jekyll-n-Hyde online. Yet the same norms of behavior apply.  DHS rolled out the slogan “if you see something, say something” a few years back. When you’re online, it should be “if you see something, (think about it before you) say something.” So many otherwise reasonable people, with sharp minds and pleasant personalities, post/share/retweet the most ridiculous nonsense without ever checking it.

This is no less harmful than your crazy uncle who annually ruins your Thanksgiving ritual. You may think its different, because your online friends either do it, too, or just ignore you when you do it, but that’s what happens in person also!

Beside just complaining, I do have some suggestions.

First, ALWAYS remember that your online content is curated, that is, someone or something is feeding it to you. Facebook, Google, Instagram, whatever, all are designed to gather information about you (YOU are the product) and use that information to get you to use their service more, providing ever more information. They share things with you that they know you like or dislike, sometimes intensely. They will determine where your views are more extreme (on a relative spectrum) and feed you those “news items” just a little more extreme than yours. So remember, you’re being fed with a purpose. If you don’t believe me, give up all social media for a week and compare your blood pressure before and after.

Second, its OK to be partisan and visit nakedly partisan websites. It can be fun to read/see/hear your views put in their most strident and argumentative form. But unless every single person you know feels the same way (and if they do, you have a whole ‘nother, bigger problem), don’t share the content you find there. If you want to spend time on Breitbart or Occupy Democrats (to name but two), do so in the privacy of your home. Think of such visits as, ahem, self-stimulation: best if done in private and not to be mentioned at your next social gathering.

Third, whenever and wherever you see that fact/point/opinion that is so good/cool/convincing that you just have to share it, stop and check it out. Even if it comes from conventional media sources that you trust, check it out. There’s a reason every newspaper posts corrections every day. There are a wealth of websites to help you: Snopes, PolitiFact, FactCheck.org, RealClearPolitics, Poynter, AmericanPressInstitute, WaPo’s Fact Checker and Fact Check @ NYT (all links provided).

Don’t just accept what you see there, either. I caught Snopes doing back-flips to defend an obviously anti-Christian/anti-Semitic video of grave desecration in Libya, and I read Glenn Kessler of the Washington Post claiming to be objective  about euthanasia in the Netherlands while citing an uncle who was euthanized there! In general, fact check sites do a good job of objective fact-checking: did someone actually say the words in this quote, or are these data valid? On more nuanced issues, you must read between the lines.

Sounds like a lot of trouble, no? Why not just happily hit share and move on? Two reasons. First, remember your crazy uncle, the one we started out talking about? That’s what he does, only in person. You don’t want to be like him, even if it being online gives you the freedom to misbehave. Second, think of your friends. When you post things that are untrue, or ridiculous, or just inflammatory, you’re saying you don’t care enough to check first; it’s more important to get that fleeting sense of “aha!”

To borrow another slogan, “Just (don’t) do it!”

Thus ends my annual plea for online civility.

No go back and argue with your family, and enjoy every minute of it!