20/40/60

We are all products–perhaps even captives–of our experiences. Here’s how people from different generations see the same thing.

A quiet moment in the library is interrupted by the loud ring of a cell phone.

• The twenty-year old ponders “Who makes phone calls anymore?”
• The forty-year old thinks “Who has the original telephone ringer as their personal ringtone?”
• The sixty-year old wonders “Why are my pants vibrating?”

Hunger strikes in the late evening, and there’s nothing in the fridge.

• The twenty-year old thinks “Got a cell and GrubHub, problem solved!”
• The forty-year old wonders “Can you make a snack from saltines and mandarin oranges?”
• The sixty-year old begs “I found my keys, but where’s my car?”

Your boss makes a decidedly political comment which conflicts with your views.

• The twenty-year old wonders if “Six new jobs in five years is too many?”
• The forty-year old considers “How long until I can retire?”
• The sixty-year old muses “I was here when you arrived, and I’ll be here when you leave.”

Local elementary school kids stage a walkout at school to protest.

• The twenty-year old beams “Kids today are so active and involved!”
• The forty-year old practices saying “NO, you cannot skip all Friday classes to protest.”
• The sixty-year old nods “Nice job; we had to fake death to get out of school.”

Politicians are promising free university tuition.

• The twenty-year old exclaims “Woo-hoo, restart the four-year clock on my bachelors in self-directed study!”
• The forty-year old thinks “Wait, I just finished my last UNDERGRAD payment!”
• The sixty-year old knows “If it’s free, it ain’t good. If it’s good, it ain’t free. If it’s free AND good, it’s a politician’s rotten promise.”

There’s an explosive-but-unverified story making the rounds on social media.

• The twenty-year old “<follows>👿👿💩💩💩🙏🙏🙏”
• The forty-year old “<likes> and <shares> with 500 ‘friends.'”
• The sixty-year old grumbles “There’s something wrong on the internet and I’M GOING TO FIX IT.”

Overheard on a train ride: “Oh-oh, the rabbit died!”

• The twenty-year old fumes “I bet the cosmetics industry was testing something on the rabbit!”
• The forty-year old feels a wave of sadness at the thought “Someone lost a beloved pet.”
• The sixty-year old hoots “A baby changes everything!”

There’s a young lady in a short dress, earrings, make-up, and a tattoo standing on the corner in front of the liquor store at 11:00 am on a Monday.

• The twenty-year old thinks, “She’s hot! I wonder where the party is?”
• The forty-year old tutts, “You shouldn’t have to wait for an Uber.”
• The sixty-year old mutters “Even the hookers are working mornings now.”

The news anchor chronicles a rally for President Trump where he said former Vice President Biden was only qualified to “kiss Barack Obama’s ass.”

• The twenty-year old exclaims, “How can our democracy survive such unprecedented conduct?”
• The forty-year old thinks, “No more television news for the kids.”
• The sixty-year old asks “Didn’t anybody read the LBJ biographies? Listen to the Nixon tapes?”

There’s only one parking space available: a tight parallel space.

• The twenty-year old grins “It’s Lyft, not my problem!”
• The forty-year old engages his smart auto park feature: “Watch this.”
• The sixty-year old says “Hold my beer . . .no, wait, I got this” (backing in, using knees to steer).

At a party, someone asks you about your carbon footprint.

• The twenty-year old proudly replies “I’m carbon neutral; have you tried my new recycled vegetable dip?”
• The forty-year old mumbles “The kids are all over me to get an electric car.”
• The sixty-year old replies “Turn around, and I’ll plant my carbon footprint somewhere you can’t recycle!”

There’s an ad for men’s grooming products featuring whole-body shaving.

• The twenty-year old: “Why would anyone NEED to be reminded to shave all over?”
• The forty-year old considers “How did I ever live with all that hair?”
• The sixty-year old is bumfuzzled: “If I wanted to look like a twelve-year old, I never would have gone through puberty.”

You’re on a road trip, and you have the sneaking suspicion you’re lost.

• The twenty-year old chants “Trust the Waze.”
• The forty-year old thinks “Did I update my GPS?”
• The sixty-year old yells “There’s a page missing from my AAA trip-tik!”

Finally, you see a man standing on the corner with a sign that says “will work for food.

• The twenty-year old looks up from his iphone and seethes “The government has failed us again.”
• The forty-year old looks away and thinks “There but for the grace of . . . um . . . god, go I.”
• The sixty-year old hands him a bill and says “Me too, me too.”