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A Tale Told Three Ways

Is there any more contentious issue in America today than immigration? One side talks of “murderers, drug-dealers, and rapists” while the other talks of “concentrations camps” and “kids in cages.” Even in an age of gross overstatement, it’s a bit much. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, could we agree that we need less heat and more light on the issue? Good journalism could really play a role here. Here’s a story in three different points of view. See if you spot the better journalism.

Version 1: Francisco’s story

Francisco was out for a drive with his buddies. He was a rising high school senior in south Texas, and he and some friends were trying out for a local soccer team, so they were going on a little road trip. When they rolled up to the immigration checkpoint, they weren’t concerned. After all, they had driven through without any problem many times before, and such checkpoints are a fact-of-life in south Texas. Francisco thought nothing of it, as he was an American citizen, born and raised in there. But some of his family was undocumented, and one of them–his brother–was in the car, too.

The Border Patrol officer seemed a little too concerned about this carload of Hispanic teenagers, but Francisco knew he didn’t have to answer his questions, and they had nothing to hide, so probably the officers would inspect from outside the vehicle and soon they would be on their way.

Unfortunately, the right to remain silent doesn’t always include the ability to do so. The officer kept questioning his brother, and instead of ignoring him, his brother admitted to not being a citizen, and soon the entire group was on the way to a CBP processing station.

Now Francisco was a little concerned. He always carried his Texas state ID, a US Social Security card, and his Texas birth certificate, so he felt certain things would work out. But the CBP officers were suspicious, as he was travelling with an admitted undocumented person (his brother), so they were questioning the validity of his credentials!

After being processed and fingerprinted, all-hell broke loose. The CBP officers called him in and asked him why he was lying. When he tried to explain that he was a American, they cut him short and asked “why did you apply for an American visa as a Mexican national?” He had no idea what they were talking about, but next he found himself in a crowded cell with hundreds of recently apprehended people seeking asylum.

The CBP personnel were completely swamped by the numbers, and Francisco quickly realized he had no way to gain their attention to explain his situation, or call his parents. Two days later, his brother was voluntarily deported back to Mexico, where they had family. Francisco refused to go, insisting he was an American, and he was only going home.

The days ran into weeks as the government tried to confirm his papers, contact his family, and come to some definitive conclusion about his status. After three weeks, Francisco was transferred to an ICE facility, and was able to call his mother, when he learned the family had retained an attorney and was working to get him released. A week later, as removal proceedings against him continued, ICE finally released him to his mother and his family’s attorney. Francisco was just what he had always said: an average American kid. But now he was also an innocent victim of a cruel government bureaucracy.

Version 2: Duty Log, South Texas Region, 27 June-23 July 2019 (excerpts)

27 June. Border Patrol delivered four Hispanic youth for processing, after collecting them at a checkpoint. Officer stated some had Texas and/or US identification, but one admitted to not being a US citizen and had no documentation. As result, officer was suspicious of all the identification provided, and brought the individuals to station for processing. The group was assigned daily processing numbers 78-81.

29 June. Update: Marlon ________, previously admitted to being in the country illegally, and agreed to voluntary deportation back to Mexico. His brother Francisco _________ refused to participate in the removal proceeding.

06 July. Update: Suspect national Francisco _________ had previously provided a Social Security card and other Texas State ID which checked out as valid. However, his fingerprints came back as identical with a Mexican national (same name, DOB) who applied for a US visitor visa. When confronted, suspect denied any knowledge of application, without further explanation. Attempting to resolve contradiction by contacting family.

13 July. Update: Station was contacted by an attorney representing the family of Francisco _______. Attorney indicated Francisco’s mother, Sanjuanna ________ , could confirm his status as an American citizen. ICE officers asked why this woman’s name was different than the name of the mother on Francisco’s birth certificate; attorney indicated the mother had given a different name on that document, as she is undocumented (no further information). Woman further clarified that she had applied for the visa for her son because she could not get him a US passport due to the discrepancy on his birth certificate (no further information).

23 July. Update: After further clarification provided by his attorney, suspect Francisco _________ was released to his family.

Version 3: The story you didn’t find.

The sad tale of a American teenager named Francisco dramatically demonstrates the pitfalls of how the United States controls its southern border. Francisco, born in Dallas and raised in south Texas, was caught in an inland immigration checkpoint. These checkpoints, which have been challenged in court but remain legal, are an odd fact of life up to one hundred miles from the border.

Customs and Border Protection, or CBP, has the authority to stop vehicles and check for the presence of undocumented persons. US courts have held that drivers and passengers so stopped do not have to answer any questions, and can only be taken into custody for probable cause, but their vehicles may be visually searched from the outside. It is the closest America comes to the uncomfortable notion of “papers, please.”

People like Francisco are used to this, and he carried several forms of ID that day, including a Texas birth certificate. But his brother did not: his brother was undocumented, born in Mexico, and in the United States illegally. This caused the CBP officers to question the legitimacy of all the people in the car, leading to their apprehension.

Francisco’s brother agreed to a voluntary deportation back to his extended family in Mexico, but Francisco rightly refused: he was an America after all, and that was that. His IDs quickly checked out, which should have been the end of the story, but instead was the beginning of the ordeal.

When CBP ran his fingerprints, they matched a person of the same name, age and date of birth, who was born in Mexico and applied for a US visitor visa. Francisco denied knowing anything about it, but the match was undeniable: he was either a Mexican with fraudulent US identification, or an American with a bogus visitor visa. Either way, someone had some explaining to do.

Weeks passed as CBP pressured Francisco to come clean, while his family learned of his plight and retained an attorney. Their initial efforts came to naught: when they contacted ICE, his mother’s name did not match the name on his Texas birth certificate, which only raised more suspicion. His mother, also undocumented, admitted she had given a different name at the hospital when he was born. She later explained that because of this discrepancy, Francisco could not get a US passport, so she applied for the fraudulent US visitor visa for him, indicating he was Mexican, so he could travel back and forth to Mexico and visit family.

Another week of continuing communication between the government, his family, and their attorney led the government officials to release Francisco after almost a month in custody.

What separates these stories? Point of view. All three are factually true. The first takes a sympathetic view of the poor lad, who after all deserves the sympathy. Imagine being caught in such a situation! It’s a story echoing a lot of opinion writing on the border, long on emotion, but lacking the facts which are essential.

The second is strictly business. It shows what happens when resources are strained and laws flagrantly ignored: the business of law enforcement becomes problematic. Note how about a week transpires between each new disclosure. Are ICE and CBP officials supposed to ignore such a fantastic story as it dribbles out? Yet this version lacks any empathy.

The third tries to steer a middle road, letting the reader feel the pain of the innocent but also recognizing the ridiculous nature of the facts as they gradually appeared to the responsible officials. That would be journalism, at least as I learned it editing my high school newspaper.

If you want to know why I wrote all this, read how the Washington Post covered this story, here: WaPo link

Be careful, the online version has changed subtly over time, and even I only captured the third or fourth version of it. The original story serves one major purpose: to inflame readers about the immigration issue. There is no mention of how routine such checkpoints are (author’s note: I have been stopped at them every time I transit Texas). The allegation that border officials were suspicious comes out in paragraph five, but the basis for that suspicion is left to paragraph ten. The length of his detention is in the headline and lead paragraph; the explanation show up in paragraphs eleven-to-thirteen.

Next time your blood pressure spikes while reading a purportedly responsible new source, recall this exercise and ask: what are they trying to make me feel? What are the other possible explanations? Where is the other side of the story?

There is so much wrong about our immigration policies and border controls right now. It is a shame journalists are going the easy route and fanning the flames rather than shedding some light.

Right-sizing for Retirement

Retirement is a Twentieth Century phenomenon. There have always been idle rich who never worked in the first place, but for working men and women, the concept of saving money or earning a pension, then living off that while exiting the work world, is less than one hundred years old.

Making the transition to retired life, expat or not, requires some soul-searching about your needs and wants. Retirement is, after all, removing oneself from the daily income-producing world. This simple fact is lost on some, who retire and continue to work full time. That is not retirement; it is changing jobs or careers. The same goes for ramping down to part-time work of 20 hours a week: much more manageable, but still not retired. As a retiree, you may have resources from investments, a pension or annuity, or an occasional stint as a consultant. But you do not have a job.

Retirement done right: Our next company meeting is . . . never!

In the absence of daily work, you have time to consider what you really need in terms of say, housing, cars, wardrobe, location, hobbies, etc. A good financial planner will set you up to live in the manner you have been accustomed to: but that doesn’t mean you have to keep living the same way, in the same place, with the same allocation of time and resources! Hence the soul-searching.

Let’s start with location: say you live in the suburbs, where your children went to good schools and you had a decent commute. Now, no children to school, and where are you commuting? Your neighborhood will transition over time, with new families moving in, and those kids may do something like ring your doorbell incessantly on Halloween or walk on your lawn! 🙂

Perhaps you have a family home filled with memories, but what are those empty bedrooms doing besides gathering dust? How often are you hosting overnight guests compared to your property taxes? The need to drive to everything gets old, even when you don’t face rush hour. Maybe you become the folks who garden their yard, host block parties and act as surrogate grandparents-in-absentia, retire in place, and that’s a great conscious decision.

Or you live in the city, where things are pretty expensive and most everybody is working. Cities spawn egotists who care about “what you do” and you don’t . . . “do” anymore, you “did.” What about moving to a small town? You’ll save a ton of money, but the culture shock may be overwhelming. Everybody already knows everybody else, and you’ll be the novelty for a while, but then not so much. Small towns may be full of dramatists: people seeking to make more drama to fill in the quiet gaps in life. Exhausting!

Moving presents an opportunity for the new home of your dreams: but yesterday’s dream, or tomorrow’s? Need those extra bedrooms; perhaps. His and hers offices . . . but you don’t work, do you? Entertainment space–of course–but a formal dining room, hmmmm. And you’ll have the time to care for a large property, but is being a maid/gardener/handyman really your idea of the perfect retirement?

You’ll still need a full seasonal wardrobe, depending on where you live (I don’t!). If you had an old school professional set of suits and dresses (either/or, I trust!), how many do you still need? I stashed a full suit (with dress shirt, two ties, dress shoes and socks) at my daughters’ homes and brought one with me. My biggest concern is staying the same size and keeping the dust off all of them.

Two cars, one . . .or none? Retiring stateside probably requires one per person, but maybe you’ll go green and use public transport, or rekindle that two-wheel itch and replace a car with a motorcycle. Again, another chance to re-evaluate wants and needs, and choose accordingly.

Of course there are some who retire and just stop working, without changing anything else, but let me suggest this is an opportunity missed. If you don’t plan to change anything–and you don’t hate your job–why retire in the first place? Better to delay the change while building up your retirement resources, and more importantly, doing that soul-searching!

“Americans” : get used to it!

Maybe it was the annual 4th of July celebrations. Maybe it was the “USA-USA-USA” chants as the American Women’s team won the World Cup. Maybe it was the hyper-patriotism evinced by President Trump (I think this is certainly the case). Whatever the cause, I noticed the return of an unfortunate and misguided meme: “Don’t call them Americans.”

Damn the CIA…even they forgot to put the “of America”

The meme is usually accompanied by a map of the Western Hemisphere, clearly labeling the two continents, and the accompanying text patronizingly explains that since all residents of said hemisphere are Americans, it is incorrect to call the citizens of just one country in that hemisphere “Americans.” Sometimes it is someone trying desperately to be clever. Sometimes it is a washed over Latin American Marxist seeking redemption. Sometimes it is just someone “Trumped.”

Let’s finish this pedantic argument off once and for all, shall we? It is entirely correct to refer to all inhabitants of the Western Hemisphere as Americans, when differentiating them from other continentals. When referring to groups as Europeans or Asians or Africans, it would make sense to refer to Americans, too. However, it would not make sense for a European to argue that they should be called “humans” instead of Europeans, not because it isn’t true (probably, not sure about the French), but because “human” is part of a different classification and does not distinguish by continent. Clear so far?

What about the particular use of the term American to designate citizens of one country, the US of A? Peoples the world over adopt naming conventions for themselves; they are not assigned by others. Sometimes these conventions make sense, other times they don’t. Canadians are not from Canadia (despite my then-young daughter’s claim) but from Canada. People from New Zealand choose to be called Kiwis after a native, flightless bird…ok? In Naples they’re Neapolitans not Niples, in Liverpool, Liverpudlians not Liverpoodles, and DC is filled with Washingtonians, not swamp creatures.

As the peoples of the Western Hemisphere became independent nations, they each chose a national title. Only one chose a title with the term “America.” Perhaps it was something of a early-adopter advantage for the US, which dissuaded others from so choosing, but that is the history, cut and dried. It’s not like the USA was a behemoth striding the globe in 1776! As a result, people from the USA call themselves Americans, as does the rest of the world. It is not at all confusing, which might be a valid reason for suggesting an alternative.

I read where someone suggested people from the United States should be called “United States-ians” which IS the official term used in Spanish (estadounidenses). Now for some real irony: there is another country in the hemisphere with the moniker United States–Los Estados Unidos de Mexico, or Mexico. Anyway, estadounidenses is a bureaucratic term; even Mexicans refer to “americanos,” “norteamericanos” (wait, isn’t Mexico in North America?) or “gringos” (¡smile when you say that, amigo!)

Brazilians are free to call themselves Americans, when it makes sense. And you can call an Egyptian an African, if you’re trying to distinguish them from a Asian, like from Israel (really).There are no Argentinians, just Argentines, Berliners are something you eat (still), Czechs come from Czechia (betcha’ didn’t know that one!), and Bolivians come from the Plurinational State of Bolivia (Nobody knows that one!).

The argument against calling people from the United States “Americans” is not technically correct, is not clever, and is not worth repeating. It is tendentious at best, simply a way to trigger some of the worst chest-thumping responses from average Americans.

And anyway, it’s pronounced ” ‘Muracan. “

PSA: Getting Real (ID)

After our recent excursion back to the States, I realized a deadline is upon us, and more importantly, few ‘Muricans are aware of its implications! I speak of the Real ID act, set to take full effect in October 2020. Most Americans would be forgiven for ignoring this law until now, as it was first passed in 2005 and was slated to take effect in 2013, but was continually delayed due to the cost and political opposition. But it is here, now, and will take effect next year, so you probably need to know about it.

Why “probably?’ If you never fly, visit a secured government building or military base, or are under the age of 18, then no, you don’t need a Real ID. Most people (God-willing) will be over 18 years old at some point. Many will never visit a military base or secured federal building (but you would be surprised). But most people will fly–at least domestically–at some point in your life. Yes, you will need a Real ID to fly even from San Francisco to Santa Rosa, California (16 minutes, the shortest domestic air route according to Travel & Leisure).

Why? Blame the legacy of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which showed that America’s lack of a national ID and disparate rules on State IDs were a vulnerability. Since most Americans viscerally oppose a national ID, Congress enacted (and the President signed into law) rules to make all State IDs (meaning State driver’s licenses) equally secure.

Why now, when that was so 2001? Well many States vigorously opposed and refused to comply with this new federal intrusion into their affairs, but the feds eventually won. Nearly all States have agreed to comply now, but some have only just begun to issue Real ID-compliant licenses. Some have made it an option you must request (and potentially pay more)!

Do you already have one? Perhaps. They are readily identifiable by a solid black or gold star in the upper right-hand corner of the license. But this is tricky: Ohio is a State in compliance, and my Ohio license has a gold star on it, but it is NOT a Real-ID. Here’s a fail-safe way to check: when you got your license (whenever it was) did you just routinely fill out an online form or visit a DMV office? Or did they ask you to show certified documents proving your name, SSN, and current residence? If the former, no Real ID; if the latter, then you are good-to-go. The whole point of Real ID was to ensure the card-carrier had proven his/her identity.

Do you really need one? If you have other federal ID (US Passport, DHS TTP card, etc.) and want to carry that even for domestic flights, then no. Do you visit military bases or secure federal facilities? If not, probably no, but what if your local Social Security Office is in a federal office building? Buzzzz, no entry without a Real ID-compliant card (or substitute), so think hard about it!

Lessons learned: Real ID is not just for international travelers, or DC types who constantly flit between federal office buildings. It is not automatic, like otherwise renewing your driver’s license: you need documents, you may need to “opt into” it and pay more, and just because your State is NOW in compliance, your previously-issued license may NOT be.

It’s not a catastrophe, and there are easy work-arounds, especially if you have a US Passport. Here’s a website with more info and links to each State’s DMV for specific help. It’s coming, and I wouldn’t bet on any further delays.

American Travel Advisory

***SATIRE. This post is intended as SATIRE. If you don’t understand SATIRE, look it up in the urban dictionary (more SATIRE).***

I wanted to report back to all my amigos on my recent visit to El Norte (NOB, chant with me, “U-S-A, YEW-ESS-AY, YEEWWW-ESSSS-AAAAY…”). Putting the bottom line up front, it’s not safe up there, and I do recommend you postpone any travel there until it calms down, which could be several decades.

First off, while we were in Cincinnati, there were all these terrible storms that dumped rain all day, every day…what’s with that? The Ohio river started to climb its banks, but did that deter the locals from parking along the river? Not at all! And the TV weathermen kept interrupting the local broadcast to tell us it was a “Code Red” day and unsafe to breathe outdoors. Now I don’t know about you, but where I live, the air indoors comes from outdoors, so what am I supposed to do?

We survived that leg of the trip, but then we went to … South Bend, Indiana. Apparently the mayor of South Bend is running for Presidente de los Estados Unidos (does the Presidente of Chapala ever run for Presidente de los Estados Unidos Méxicanos?). Anyway, the Mayor is not at home, and the policía shot down an African American man (this happens a lot, apparently) and there were protests and shouting and generally bad behavior (not like a Chivas-Atlas match, but pretty close).

The night before we left South Bend, I was sitting in my hotel room, when my phone started buzzing, then my computer started alerting, then the TV weathermen interrupted the game, then the hotel management called my room to tell me to take shelter in the hallway because there was a tornado warning! Now I am a South Bend homeboy, so I know that you don’t hide in a bathtub/basement/crawlspace until you hear the train (el tornado) coming. So I was like “Guey, que pedo?” and waited for the weathermen to give up and get back to the game. Back in the day, we found out about the tornadoes when we read about them the next morning in the newspaper… “Cool, we didn’t die!”

So we decided to head to Baltimore to visit our nietos, and we had to drive a bunch of cuotas. They were really expensive, but we had this thing called EZPass (translates as easy-pass, but inglés, what the heck!) and so we should have been able to drive through the casetas without even slowing down. Except the Man was watching, and he didn’ want no permanentes driving through, so we had to stop at each toll-booth and hand our “EZPass” to the attendant, who ‘read’ it an handed it back and sent us on our way. What is “E-Z” about that?

We thought we would be safe near the ‘nation’s capital’ but there were four homicides and many more shootings in the DC-Baltimore area while we visited. I think the gringos need to practice more, because there seem to be many more wounded than killed. Back in Mexico, we get reports of someone killed with thirty-seven bullet wounds; in the States, there is “one person killed and thirty-six wounded.” Very poor gun control, indeed.

We were driving around, doing the American thing (driving around) in the middle of the day, in the middle of the week, and there was all this traffic! And people were hurryin’ … we know, because they were beeping at my driving, because I was only going fifteen miles OVER the speed limit pulling into the shopping center at 2:00 pm on a Thursday, and what the f*$^&* was I thinking, goin’ so slow? Am I right?

One day, we went for a hike in a Maryland state park, and when we came back to our rental car, the back window was shot out with a BB-gun. We had “Massachusetts” plates, so maybe someone mistook us for a rival cartel. But who sells drugs in a state park? Eh, no problema, the rental car company gave us a Jaguar SUV to drive around in … but we were too scared to take it anywhere, ‘cuz we would get car-jacked.

See that little hole to the left?
This is what the rest of the window looked like

Everything goes so fast in El Norte! People move fast, talk fast, and no one better stand in their way. When we went hiking, we greeted people on the trail with “Good Morning!” and they looked at us like we were shouting “ehhhhhhh, puto!” Eventually they smiled, responded, and walked on, but they kept looking back at us as we walked away! Maybe it’s our accents?

We’ve been layin’ low, watching for la migra and the policía en general. I don’t know why we are watching for them, as we are legal visitors, but the news is full of stories about them, violent crime, random attacks, and general lawlessness. El Presidente Trump keeps talking about keeping out all the rapists and murderers, and it seems like they got plenty already, so maybe he’s right.

Here is my official travel warning: wait until the 2020 election to visit NOB. The people who aren’t high on oxycontin are wavin’ guns all around, and both groups seem to drive while drinkin’. Politics is an excuse for the very worst behavior…Americans haven’t learned to distrust all politicians like Mexicans do, so they start believing them, and then no end of trouble ensues. If you HAVE to travel, learn some basic phrases in English like “please don’t shoot me” “U-S-A, U-S-A” and “F$^*@ Trump” or”Make America Great Again” (be sure NOT to use the latter two unless you know which political cartel’s territory you are in!).

Above all, try to fit in: Drive very fast, talk very fast, only use plastic money, don’t greet strangers or make eye-contact. Americans are actually very friendly. When in doubt, compliment Americans on the size and cleanliness of their handguns; it never fails to break the ice.

Did I mention this is SATIRE?

Family Time

As an expat, you’ll undoubtedly engage in the ritual pilgrimage to visit family back NOB. Even those who don’t retire out of the country face the challenge of juggling multiple family work and vacation schedules, holidays, birthdays, and special events to gather as a family. For expats there are the additional complications of extended air travel, customs and immigration, and the ever-so-difficult question of how to spend scarce quality time with family.

Grandpa’s 90th birthday with our daughters, sons-in-law & grandkids.

Even an expat with unlimited means is going to be forced by the rigors of travel to limit the number and length of visits back NOB. Then you arrive, jet-lagged and dehydrated from 30,000 ft, and the visit countdown clock starts ticking away! Do you take a nap and recover, or catch up on life with your daughter? The next morning, do you complete morning prayers or play video games with your grandson? Tick, tick,tick…

There is a powerful impulse to “do” things, accomplish something, since how often will a family gather? And there are family activities which all (or at least most) can join in, so why not? Yet there is also great value in just being present, listening and talking and remembering as only a family can do. Hearing Dad tell that same joke for the thousandth time, for example. Tick, tick, tick…

The Queen city
at the sign museum
and the aquarium

It is not a challenge unique to expats, but one of the human condition, exacerbated by modern technology. Parents working outside the home face it as they end a busy day and pick up children from day care. Those crowds of teens sitting-together-alone, glued to screens, are trying desperately to avoid it. Long ago, when a family member emigrated to America, the farewell took on the airs of a funeral, since the parting was most likely forever. Tick, tick,tick…

Not only do we all have a limited time on this Earth, we don’t know how limited it is. We can self-medicate with social media or a nice drink, chasing the demons out of sight for a while, but the big hand keeps sweeping. We can be fully present in the moment and enjoy the best parts of the best relationships, yet the aftertaste remains bittersweet, because . . . tick, tick, tick.

While it is a good thing to be mindful of that constantly ticking clock, it is counterproductive to dwell on it. Time is meant to be spent together with the ones we love. You can’t make up for lost moments, only savor those we have. Me, I’m savoring some family time!

PSA: Flying across the border

We’re getting ready to go traveling, so I thought I would give some flying tips as a Public Service Announcement. Travel back to the States is a staple of expat life: even Canadians often have to through-transit the US on the way home, although I know some who go to great lengths to never experience US airports again. Let’s see if we can make those experiences a little less challenging, shall we?

I’ll assume the basics: you have a Passport. I know there are special circumstances where a passport is not needed, but they are truly exceptional, so we’ll ignore them here. At the first place you land in the States, you’ll need to pass through two screens: immigration and customs. The first is to establish your right to enter the country. The second is to determine whether what you are bringing in with you is permissible. These two things are unrelated, by the way.

As a US citizen with a valid passport, you have the right to return to the United States. So the normal process at immigration is to get in line with all the other “US persons” (citizens, resident aliens and the like), wait your turn, hand over your passport, answer (sometimes) a perfunctory question like “how long were you gone?”, get your passport stamped and move along.

There are several ways to go faster. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) is the US government agency responsible for border crossing. One program they have is called Automated Passport Control (all the titles are hyperlinks for additional information). It is essentially a kiosk in the secure arrivals part of the airport where you scan your passport, answer questions on a touchscreen, take a photo, get a printout and go to the CBP officer to have it all checked. People with the same home address in the States can process together. This program is free but only available in the 50 largest airports. You still get in line, but your data will be correct and easily reviewed.

Another CBP program is called Mobile Passport. Mobile Passport is a free app that automates the forms and questions you encounter entering the States. You download it and enter your personal data, and when your plane lands, you send the arrival data securely to CBP, who returns a receipt to you. You get to use different lanes at the arrival area in the airport, so the lines are shorter (big plus). There is a $15 annual upgrade called Mobile Passport Plus, which also stores your passport data and automates the data entry. Mobile Passport is available at 26 major airports and three cruise ports.

The gold standard of CBP programs is Global Entry. It is, in effect, an honors program for re-entering the US. Global Entry costs $100 for five years, but note this: the $100 is an application fee, so if you are denied, you are out the money. Global Entry requires a background check AND an interview,which can be scheduled at CBP offices or in airports. There is a questionnaire (used to start the background check, and of course you’ll face more questions in the interview. With Global Entry, you access a different sets of kiosks (available at 75 US airports and 16 international ones), which again automate the answering of those same CBP questions. You scan your passport and get a receipt, then go to a separate CBP officer who checks your receipt and moves you along. One additional benefit to Global Entry is a separate line for the post baggage-pickup customs check.

The what? Everything I mentioned above is part of immigration, and happens before you get your checked bags. Customs can do a final check after that, but there is no set rule: sometimes they have an inspection, oftentimes they don’t. If they are inspecting, long lines can form, and Global Entry lets you (literally) walk to the front of the line and go first. It is one of those benefits you may never need, but when you do, it is a real game-changer.

The main reason NOT to apply for Global Entry is if you are fairly certain you’ll be denied (remember, you lose the application fee). Reasons for denial include a history of felonies, drug convictions, or anything related to smuggling or illegal border crossing. Otherwise, you should be approved.

What about Pre✓® and Clear? Pre-Check is a TSA program. The Transportation Security Agency (TSA) is just responsible for the safety of the traveler at ports (air and sea). TSA Pre-Check cost $85 for five years, and it requires an online application, a background check, and a short interview. Pre-Check allows you to access less rigorous screening at 200 airports, but it has nothing to do with immigration or customs. Global Entry member ship gives you complimentary TSA Pre-Check membership. So the extra $15 dollars for Global Entry is a bargain over Pre-Check, if you travel more than once outside the US every five years. However, many credit cards and travel groups will reimburse your TSA Pre-check fee (not so for Global Entry).

Clear is a private. bio-metric program done in conjunction with airline security. It is available in over 20 airports (and some stadiums) and costs $179 annually. Once you give Clear your fingerprints and retinal scan, they store it. At the airport, the first TSA check you face is for your ID and boarding pass. With Clear, you go straight to the Clear station, which lets you skip the long lines that form for the boarding pass/ID check, although you still go through the TSA physical inspection. Given the cost, Clear is mainly for seasoned road warriors who also use either Pre-Check or Global Entry.

There are a host of other CBP Trusted Traveler Programs which cover driving or walking across the border. I won’t cover them here, but just say that if you routinely drive across the US border with Mexico or Canada, one or more of these programs will get you out of the long lines and into a secure, fast transit: check them out! Sometimes they cross-apply, as Global Entry does with TSA Pre✓®.

What about our Canadian, Mexican, and other foreign friends? Each of the programs above have different criteria for eligibility of non-US citizens. However, Global Entry benefits are available to Canadians who have NEXUS (another program) and Mexicans are eligible for Global Entry, along with Indian, UK, German, Dutch, Korean, Swiss, Panamanian, Singaporean, Colombian and Argentine nationals. Expats in Mexico should also know that Mexico has a Global Entry equivalent program called Viajero Confiable. I can’t tell if there is a cost associated with application, and the kiosks are only available at Cancun, Mexico City, and Los Cabos (Guadalajara has had a “coming soon” banner for two years, so mañana!).

Finally (yes there is an end here somewhere), whatever program you choose, remember that crossing the border at an airport may seem routine to you, but it is a deadly serious affair. All kinds of people try to use international air travel for all the wrong reasons (terror, drug-trafficking, human trafficking, illegal immigration). So treat the exercise with an adult, business-like demeanor. Security lines are not an appropriate place for humor. Long before 9/11, I tried to make a joke about a security sign saying it was illegal to bring marijuana into the US, and I barely avoided a body-cavity search!

Smile but don’t initiate small talk. Answer questions with yes or no or the minimum number of facts: no “in the beginning” type stories. This may seem obvious, but never lie or dissemble. You may have a right to enter the US, but under current law, the CBP officers have the authority to detain you for questioning (sorry about that connecting flight) and to search everything you bring, including your media devices, even your beloved iphone (yes, they can ask you for your password; if you refuse they can retain your device for “processing” for several days)!

The most common problems for travelers are bringing in prohibited goods, or goods beyond the customs limits (hence taxable). Duty-free shops at the airport just mean nontaxable at the source: Absinthe may be legal in the US, but only certain types may be brought in legally. That fruit they give you on the airplane is considered from a foreign source; don’t forget to consume it before leaving the plane. And you can bring in Cuban cigars for personal use (defined as 50 or less). Forget about ivory souvenirs, animal skins, and almost any form of meat. There is an up-to-date CBP website to help you determine what you can bring in legally.

Which is not to say you don’t know someone (not not you, a friend, of course) who has brought in a turtle, or cannabis brownies, or whatever prohibited item. Most of the customs work is aimed at detecting smugglers, not the otherwise law-abiding travelers who happen to bring in something. Such people rarely get caught. But they do incur a risk: the closest thing to a permanent record anyone has is the file kept by the various Department of Homeland Security agencies (TSA, ICE, CBP, USCG, USSS, CIS and CISA). Get on the list and it may take years to get back off (if you know anyone whose name appeared on the No-fly list, ask them how long the nightmare lasted, even if they were quite obviously not a threat). Much of airport and customs security is random (which is why the old lady in the wheelchair gets searched…her number came up). You never know who’s next. So even though you won’t get caught, just don’t (do it).

Lastly, a processional from Jimi. Why Jimi? “goin’ way down south…way down to Mexico!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMiAVYYdDA8

Is college broken?

I began this post with the title “College is broken,” which is more definitive and alarming. I amended it after a dose of humility (I know, I need more) and the realization several family and friends work in academe, and perhaps they would chime in to a more inclusive invitation.

Don’t even get me started on “student-athletes”!

My concerns about the university system in the United States go all the way back to my daughters’ experience. Both of my daughters attended public universities, graduated in four years with some (but not extensive) debt, learned a lot, enjoyed their college years, and departed with good jobs. My wife and I paid for some of the expenses, but insisted each daughter incur some combination of scholarship/work-study/student loans (skin in the game). So what’s not to like?

It started with the application process. I distinctly recall a high school guidance counselor explaining how she could only write a letter of recommendation to one school for early admission (or was it early acceptance? Early enrollment? It doesn’t matter). When I asked why, since each university is independent (and would not know) and a student could only attend one, she told me they share information, and if she was found to be writing more than one letter, the schools would “blackball” her or the high school! “And no one has sued them for this behavior?” I asked. “Sure, you could, but your daughter won’t get into any decent school while the suit runs,” she told me.

This was my introduction to the organized crime of university admissions. Perhaps you have heard of the lawsuits which have followed, demonstrating collusion in the Ivy League admissions process, and of course the more recent pay-to-attend scandal among wealthy parents nationwide (no surprise to me).

But there was more. Early on for each of my daughters, they were advised by admissions counselors that they really needed to strongly consider taking five years to graduate. We strongly advised them to really consider graduating in four years, because the universities they were attending had to offer four-year degrees in the majors they were attempting. Our daughters made the right choice.

All of that just goes to my personal bias that something was rotten at the university of Denmark, to paraphrase Marcellus in Hamlet. So I began to research it (here comes trouble). Among my findings:

I think everyone knows there is a strong statistical relationship between attending/graduating college and lifetime earnings (the more of the former, the more of the latter). Many people have come to believe this is a credentialing phenomenon: it doesn’t matter what happens at college, you just get the sheepskin, you make mo’ money. The strongest correlation is between education and earnings. Those who have a passion for some topic and the requisite skills to address it do very well, either rounding our their knowledge (classical liberal arts) or specializing (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics, or STEM). Those who either lack or mis-match passion and skills do poorly, diploma-be-damned. Which means college is not for everyone, or certainty not for everyone graduating high school; some may be far better served doing something else at that point!
What about the “free universal college” movement? If the students can attend for free, there is no risk in terms of debt, and maybe they will discover their talents and passion while at university? Setting aside the issue of cost (for the moment), creating a broad new entitlement in the hope of something good happening for some subset of the attendees is a poor gambit. There are unintended consequences lurking about: how many otherwise strong students will be lured away from academics by the party atmosphere of a multitude of “student-attendees?” It is like prescribing antibiotics for every cough: what could go wrong, until we experience antibiotic resistant diseases?
Other countries seem to do it well (free university education), why not the US? There are examples of countries which do it well, but none has a system amenable to the US. Some control the overall cost by simply limiting the number of universities (reduced demand equals limited cost). Others track students: in Germany, a test determines which high-school track you attend, which then determines your tertiary education opportunities. I would not want to attend the school board meeting in the United States where such a system was proposed.
But perhaps the rigorous nature of the university system and its selfless commitment to professional education will affect that wave of “student-attendees.” It is to laugh (cue Johnny Carson)! Sometime in the last thirty years, the academy became big business. Average college tuition is up 260% over that time as enrollments sky-rocketed (supply and demand still rules). The one-hundred richest universities have endowments above one-billion dollars (Harvard tops the list at $36b USD). The federal government abetted this wealth, first by guaranteeing student loan debt, then by directly providing the loans, and then by raising the amounts students could borrow. And since the federal government has no profit motive, even sham schools and non-productive majors (those would be value judgments, tsk-tsk) are eligible.
How bad did it get? A recent NYT article outlines the for-profit Art Academy University in San Francisco charging $100k tuition for a Masters in something called “design and applied arts.” Surely this is just a for-profit phenomenon? No, most everybody does it, and don’t call me Shirley. USC has an online Masters in Social Work that comes in at a cool $110k in tuition. Pure profit, baby! Since I have social workers in the family (wife and niece), here’s a little joke: how long does it take a social worker to earn enough to pay back such student debt? Never, a social worker doesn’t earn enough to eat, let alone pay back student debt! Check out the article for more astounding examples.
Worse still, once the cash-cow of new students started flooding into the university system, academe responded not by strengthening standards and tightening requirements, but rather by catering to the masses. I have to admit that I have nothing but envy for the culinary experiences I witnessed at my daughters’ schools: for college, I was “institutionalized” at a place that serve boiled beef. I hold no grudge for the air conditioning, drone-provided snacks, or comfort animals of today’s university system, but the catering extended to the curriculum! Out went mandatory classes in the classics (dead white men, after all). Core curricula became less core and more a la carte: you could replace Western History with, say, “Film, Fiction, and Female in Israel” (University of Michigan course catalog). Not to pick on UM: go to your favorite university or alma mater and you’ll find an equally valid example. Even ten years ago, when I was interviewing new hires, I noticed an increasingly apparent lack of historical knowledge, and this was in the national security field, one which assumes employees have a basic historical knowledge-base!

Now the disclaimer: the US university system is still a global standard. Any list of the best universities in the world is dominated by the usual suspects from the US. Which is to say that some students attending these institutions and getting an excellent education. However, the combination of a huge increase in demand for college, the unlimited supply of debt resources, and the tendency to treat students as customers to be satisfied has resulted in a large number of drop-outs and graduates with huge debt and little education. Worse still, it created a huge disconnect: young people who had been told attendance is as rewarded as performance, and that truth can be personal rather than absolute, now find themselves unprepared in a harsh world, where little matters beyond the bottom line.

I invite others with recent experience in higher education to chime in: crisis or not? Are these problems real, or am I just the guy yelling “get off my grass” on the quad?

That’s not funny . . . is it?

Anyone who has traveled and spent more than a few days in a foreign culture can confirm that one of the things that does not translate easily is humor. Our experiences as expats in Mexico only confirm this suspicion, although I think there are positive lessons to be learned from other cultures when it comes to humor.

Comedy NOB has become–as so much else–heavily politicized. You can laugh at the outrageous behavior on one side, but there are *crickets* on the other side. Meanwhile, a growing list of things once considered humorous are now off-limits: officially (and sometimes criminally) liable, offensive, and unforgivable.

Not so much in Mexico. Mexican humor is generally much sharper, politically incorrect, and fatalistic. There are a few topics which are off-limits to Mexican humor: national symbols (the flag, the anthem), some historical figures (La Guadalupana, Los Niños Heroes), and always, always, ¡SIEMPRE! anybody’s mother. There us nothing in Mexico equivalent to “the dozens” up north. Most everything else is available for ridicule.

Start with nickknames, or apodos. I am not talking about those which come with your given name, like men named Jesús being called Chuy, but rather the ones given you by your friends or family, and often due to a physical characteristic. So you might call your friend gordo because he is/was fat (or maybe very thin), chapo (shorty), tartajas (stutterer). Yes, the characteristics can be somewhat crude by NOB standards, but are not meant or taken that way in Mexico. Knowing someone’s nickname and using it is a sign of inclusion and affection, even though the names might not always sound that nice.

Joking about sex is becoming more common, if only among the younger and less cultured. However many Mexicans enjoy the double-entendre, or albures. These word-plays can be subtle or blatant, and may involve food. Be careful if you are ever asked how you like your eggs (huevos) or chiles. If your answer elicits smiles, you might be the accidental victim of an albur.

Death or tragedy is definitely on-sides for humor. Our Spanish teacher told us about a young Mexican entrepreneur who launched a video game about saving those trapped Chilean miners…while they were still trapped! As he explained, it wasn’t because they were Chilean…he would have done the same if they were Mexican! If you follow this reddit link, you’ll see a video of a float in a Mexican parade. The float is for the local search and rescue team, who stand (on the float) in a simulated demolished building. Watch closely, and you’ll see a bloody arm waving from under the rubble! This is, after all, the culture that brought the world calaveras, (literally skulls), short poems predicting the amusing, ironic, or poetically just way someone (at times rich or famous) will die.

Calaverita about a suegra (mother-in-law); do you really need it translated?

And of course, there is the famous story of the Mexican fans chanting “ehhhh, puto” at the World Cup. This vulgar chant (I wont give you a translation, just take my word for it) is very common in the Liga México, but FIFA threatened and then fined Mexico because its fans would not stop chanting it during every goal-kick. Despite pleas from the team and the government, the chant only grew louder, and continued. Eventually, FIFA gave up.

Clearly the whole crowd…

and the Mexican commercial which followed, when FIFA gave up trying!

Most Mexicans insist that while the word has several–all vulgar–meanings, the chant is in jest, and therefore permitted. Look at any YouTube video, and you’ll see this in play, which illustrates the Mexican view: it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Said with a smile, even a slur becomes nothing more than joke between friends.

This is a universal principle. Even in English, we understand the difference tone, non-verbal cues, and context make. If a man greets a woman-friend with a simple “That’s a nice dress!” it would probably be taken as just a compliment. Change the response to “That’s a NICE dress!” with an eye-roll on NICE and you have a coded insult. Change it to “That’s a nice dreeeeeesssss!” with a leer on the last word and you have a harassment case. “That’s a nice dress?” with a verbal uptick on the end and you have an implied difference of opinion on the very concept. The words remain the same, the message varies greatly.

Mexico applies this same concept to humor. NOB, certain terms have become so politically incorrect that they are forever banned. Perhaps this reduces the frequency and hurt of offensive statements, perhaps not. It certainly makes people more wary. I will bet somebody reading the last paragraph thought “why should a man even be commenting on a woman’s dress?” Point made!

The need for humor to grease human interactions is eternal; words come and go. “Gay” was a slur before it became the title of Pride Marches. Irishmen calling each other “shanty” or “lace-curtain” was the beginning of many a fatal brawl, once upon a time. And don’t even begin to delve into the never-ending debate on the rules concerning use of the “N-word” within, and outside, the African-American community. Even the word “gringo” which simply derives from the concept of someone you can’t understand, falls into this category.

Words can hurt, no doubt. Yet they have only as much power as we give them. And no one wants to live in a humorless world. Just remember, “smile when you say that!”

The border gate swings both ways

I saw an article in the WaPo (“The little-noticed surge across the U.S.-Mexico border: It’s Americans heading south“) last weekend which provided some detail on the growing trend of Americans moving to Mexico.

Of course, the WaPo writer couldn’t help put a political comment in the article, quoting the mayor (that would be Presidente) of San Miguel de Allende saying, “Despite the fact that Donald Trump insults my country every day, here we receive the entire international community, beginning with Americans, with open arms and hearts.” Looks like no topic can be discussed without covering the Trump angle. And just as inevitably, the comments section (I know, I know, NEVER read the comments section!) was full of MAGA fanatics with useful comments like “if Mexico is so great, why are 100 million Mexicans trying to come here?” Sigh.

The bulk of the article had useful data on the trend. It seems to be driven by three sources. First, there are those 10,000 baby boomers retiring every day, and they have to go somewhere, and they don’t have much in retirement savings, and Mexico is cheap. Next are the numerous (600,000+) children of Mexican immigrants who were born in the States and have dual citizenship; some are returning to Mexico. Last, there are younger people who have internet-enabled work, and they (sometimes with family in tow) can live anywhere, and they choose Mexico.

How many total, and of each group? Nobody knows. Mexico has only a rudimentary capability to track arrivals and departures. Like the US, they do a good job at airports, not so much anywhere else. Mexico is implementing a more thorough system which would also work at the land/sea borders, but perhaps mañana. Mexico estimates 800,00; the US embassy in Mexico City says 1.5 million. The embassy estimate is probably based on STEP enrollments (NOTE: if you are an American expat living in Mexico, go online at the link and enroll in STEP; it helps the State Department keep track of you in case of emergency/natural disaster), so even that figure is probably an undercount.

Where are they? They are all over, but the largest concentrations are in Puerto Vallarta (35,000) Lake Chapala (20,000) and San Miguel (10,000). These totals are primarily the retirees and young internet workers; the dual national are spread all over, often based on from where in Mexico their families originally came. PV is a beach city of almost 400,000, and San Miguel has 100,000, so the expat totals there are noticeable but not dramatic. The 20,000 expats around Lake Chapala, a number which swells due to snowbirds, represent almost a third of the Mexican population in the municipality.

The WaPo article focuses on San Miguel de Allende, which has been the “hot” expat destination recently. The article does a good–if brief–job of describing expat activities and challenges. It also points out that the Mexican federal government is starting to take note of the advantages, and implications, of the growing American presence south of the border.

Despite all the negative press and unfortunate political commentary in Washington, Mexico remains both the top tourist destination for Americans (almost 37 million in 2018, and increasing) and the top expat destination. Just think what the numbers would be if the American media didn’t give non-stop coverage to violence and corruption!