Culture – Pat the Expat

The Day Before . . .

When I was a new Second Lieutenant in West Germany (1983), manning the NATO frontier during the Cold War, a very self-important TV movie appeared:

Seizing on the angst produced by the media in the wake of Ronald Reagan’s (Ronald Ray-guns, get it?) election, the movie sought to bring home the horrors of nuclear war to the general public, less the new President be inclined to start one (didn’t I say self-important?). It was interesting as a movie, with good special effects for its pre-digital age, but terribly preachy.

The opening scenes were unusual: people in small-town America going about their business, all the while news reports on radios or televisions playing in the background clearly reported on a gathering international storm. Folks remained oblivious, so much so that as the missiles launch from the corn fields, people are still wondering whether it’s just an exercise!

Twenty years later, climate activists cheered on a second disaster flick with much the same title and message, much better special effects, much worse plot, even more preachiness. This one took a few liberties with climate science, but did so in service of a greater good (always the case, no?). A sudden collapse of the Gulf Stream (actually the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation, or AMOC) leads to Arctic hurricanes and an overnight ice age for most of the northern hemisphere. Again, people are going about their business and unaware until the ocean over-spills Manhattan.

These are not those times.

In a few days, we’ll have an election in the United States, and a new (or renewed) President. Both sides have assured us that if their opponents win there will be a fascist dictatorship or total criminal anarchy, runaway inflation or a ruined dollar, the real handmaid’s tale or abortion vans patrolling our streets (at least at the Democratic National Convention, that last one was true). While all things are possible, none of these are likely.

First off, while both sides claim that “the people” are unaware of how truly awful the other side is, they are wrong. Nobody is unaware of the candidates, the parties, or the policies (to the extent they are stated). Both sides are keenly aware and on the watch for the worst, which is in itself a check on the system.

Second, the US governmental system is designed specifically for such circumstances. Power is diffused, shared, with checks and balances. While a single party may control both Houses of Congress and the Presidency, there are still the courts (ask President Trump how his control of the Supreme Court has been working!). There is the filibuster in the Senate, unless of course the party worried most about democracy decides it is inconvenient. The margins are so close that either party’s majority in the Houses is likely to be single-digit, thus empowering even the smallest factions within the party to grind things to a halt.

Third, there is the simple fact of culture and its momentum. It’s easy to wave your hand and say “let it be so,” but that doesn’t change anything in the end. Border walls proved to be very hard for President Trump to build; likewise it was easy for President Biden to overturn Trump’s executive orders on the border, but not to deal with the consequences. Pro-lifers learned that overturning Roe v. Wade simply made the nation open for a conversation about abortion (you can’t argue much about fundamental rights), but that didn’t mean most people now wanted a nation-wide abortion ban. Culture changes slowly, despite the wishes of activists. Just ask all those electric car proponents.

Finally, despite all the doom-n-gloom talk, things are looking up (more detailed blog posts coming on the reasons why). Believe it or not, inflation has been largely tamed. Yes, there’s still a significant affordability problem (housing, rent, groceries) but that’s a different problem requiring different solutions. Inflation is insidious and more threatening, and we should all be happy it is under control. The US economy is out-performing every other national economy on almost every measure, and all the trend lines are for more of the same. Violent crime is down, even if other crimes of disorder are up and the data are very general. It will take real effort to screw things up, although perhaps the next administration will be up to the task (there’s my pessimistic side butting in).

Other reasons I’m optimistic? Social media is all talk. People tend to forget that. “I’m moving from the US if X is elected” is nonsense, as are most other social media claims. There will be claims and counter claims about the election, regardless of outcome. I expect if former President Trump wins, some progressive somewhere will literally self-immolate. If Vice President Harris wins, some group will threaten to march on the Capitol. Good luck with that. As the January 6th rioters (and plotters) learned, you can’t stop the process. You can get shot in the face.

President Trump is not a fascist; I doubt he could spell it if you spotted him an “f” and an “a.” He is rude, crass, and lacking in normal inhibitions. And he talks too much, exaggerates too much, promises too much. Vice President Harris was born in Oakland, and after much thought, I have decided she is the living embodiment of Gertrude Stein’s immortal put-down of that city (Oakland): “there is no there, there.” She is a vacant vessel, an empty pants suit as it were. She is not a Communist, nor a Socialist, not even a Democratic Socialist (wherever that is). She is probably not even a Progressive, but she could play one on TV, if it suited the election vibes (see her brief 2020 campaign). Like her opponent, she cannot summon the support to fundamentally alter the system, nor does she have the conviction to do so.

Americans all want the same thing: to get on with life. We’re too busy living to be holding a grudge, regardless of what we post. It’s part of our genius. We fought the British a couple of times, but ended up loving their royalty, their accents, and Downton Abbey. We regularly invoked the French as haughty and evil, and fought world wars to save them. We depicted the Germans and the Japanese as inhuman savages, burnt their countries to the ground, rebuilt them, and now we love driving Mercedes and Lexus. We fought a bloody civil war and almost immediately said “let bygones be bygones” (too soon for the slaves we emancipated). It’s our way.

I’m not saying things won’t get rough. You can’t go this far down the road of divisive rhetoric and simply do an about-face and double back to civility. There will be protests, lawsuits, recriminations, probably even some violence. But it will only go further if both sides insist that it does. And while social media (and some mainstream outlets) will convince you you’re part of a vast army ready to respond, you’re not. You don’t agree with everything the parties and candidates say, you don’t want to fight it out in the streets.

Yes, right now we’re deeply divided. And we have deep problems (immigration, affordability, national debt, education, population decline) to confront. But ask any economist, any politician, any citizen anywhere if they would trade places with America, and they would.

So take a deep breath. Be concerned if your side lost, and watch what the other side does “like a hawk.” Don’t contribute to the noise by trying to “pwn” the other side with memes on social media. If you do, don’t complain when they do the same; you’re both equally contributing to divisiveness. You can’t ask someone to listen to the better angels of their nature while telling them they’re a Nazi (or a Communist, or . . . )

And look at the bright side: the post-Trump era will start soon, either in two months, or in four years!

A Childish Issue

In a world where media often use terms like “unprecedented” and other superlatives, it is easy to become so jaded you miss when something truly world-changing is occurring right before your eyes. Especially when those same media ignore it, or trivialize it. Yet something momentous and ominous is happening all around the world, and most people seem unaware. But not you, at least not anymore!

Throughout all human history, the total population has grown (see the chart)^*. It is as close to a given as one gets in social science. Demographers liked to say “demography is destiny” because it was a limiting factor. If you had an imaginary country with a population of ten people, and you wanted it to grow, the most people you could have in nine months was nineteen (one man and nine women, each pregnant, resulting in a growth of nine in nine months). If you chose nine men and one woman, the growth rate would be far less (in fact, the nine men would kill each other rather quickly).

In the last one-hundred and fifty years, human population exploded as improvements in medicine, health, and social services decreased child mortality and increased general longevity. While there are a few countries which have bucked the overall trend (Ireland, for example, still hasn’t recovered from the potato famine!), in general, countries have experienced rapid growth. In the United States today, there are two Americans for every one alive when I was born in 1960. So it was fair to bet that in developing public policy (or anything else), you could count on more people in the long run.

As living longer and having children survive childhood became probabilities rather than possibilities, social scientists noticed that birth rates started dropping. In the chart, it’s the area at the far right where the steep curve rounds off. The original assumption was that more wealth equated to more children, as the couple could afford them. But what happened was always and everywhere fewer children: in decadent European countries, in developing nations, in democracies and dictatorships, in states which demanded more children or even paid mothers to have more children. While some policies seemed to help for a time, in the end, the bottom continued to drop out of the human population growth trend. Some welcomed this trend, convinced earth was in danger of human overpopulation, lack of resources, and eventual exhaustion. For most people it simply meant they could plan for one perfect child (rather than adapt to many unplanned ones) and focus all their attention thereupon.

This trend remains unchanged in liberal, social democratic Scandinavia where parenting is egalitarian, in male-dominated (some might say misogynistic) east Asian cultures, and everywhere else. Some countries have experienced this trend for so long it is starting to show up as a domestic policy challenge. In a place like Italy or South Korea, the population pyramids (so called because there were always more youths than old people) are becoming inverted. Now there are four grandparents, two parents, and one child/grandchild. Since all these people are alive at the same time, and many of the couples are divorced, there can be four houses (usually in small villages) being inherited by the couple (living in the big city) to pass on to a grandchild. And so on. But also six people counting on the earnings of one later-adult for their government support!

In Japan, they are re-purposing neighborhood schools as old-age rec centers. Villages across Europe are simply dying. China’s government is flipping from its former strict one-child policy to something just short of mandatory child-bearing (real Handmaid’s Tale stuff there). Even in the United States, our system of Social Security was based on a constantly growing population, which no longer is. Seniors cost more in terms of health care, and the longer they live, the more social security they cost (and few people realize that the FICA taxes they paid are exhausted within a few years of applying for social security; after that, you’re receiving and spending other people’s money). This is a problem which will pass with the baby-boomer generation, but that’s like waiting for a stone to pass, if you get my drift.

As I noted earlier, this trend toward a single or no child has been resistant to all those policies tried by a variety of governments, so it is indeed a sticky trend that crosses cultures. In the United States, immigration has provided continued population growth, but we are at historically high levels with the resultant stresses on the body politic, so that won’t work in the long run. Other countries won’t even attempt it. While governments flounder, everybody is asking the same question: why?

In the States, there are ample data to suggest some reasons. First off, it was only economically sane to have children prior to modernity, when they were the only form of old-age social security. You had six kids, hoping three might survive to adulthood, so they could take care of you and your spouse should you live long enough. And people did live into old age: the notion everybody used to die by forty years old is simply wrong. But once modernity happened, you no longer needed to have six kids to get three adults, and the government provides social security. Why have kids, who always, always, always decrease your resources?

One set of answers was religious/civic. In the West, Christianity provided the maxim “be fruitful and multiply.” Having children was seen not only as fulfillment of the Lord’s covenant, but also a part of the civic commitment: we believe in our country, so we want it to continue. There is at least a temporal link between the gradual end of religiosity in the West and drop in fertility. But it can’t be the sole reason, since the decrease also occurred in non-Christian and even formally atheistic lands.

Likewise, for millennia women were relegated to duties in the home (like raising the many children) or poorly-paid service jobs (maids, chefs, teachers, etc.) There were few attractive alternatives to being a stay-at-home mother, and great social pressure to do so (“aren’t you ready to start a family yet?”) Modernity brought contraception (and its omnipresent cousin, legal abortion), more education and better job or even career possibilities for women. More importantly, the cultural views of womanhood changed.

While the reigning narrative is all about women’s choices (in whether to marry, have kids, control their fertility, choose a career, etc.), in fact the narrative is decidedly lopsided: neutral at best about marriage, pro-career, anti-motherhood. Think I am overstating the case? Look at cultural icons: they are “emancipated” women with full-time careers, “girl-bosses” leaning in to the same challenges men do, women who don’t necessarily need a partner and can do it all. If they have any, they have only one child. These are the people held up for all to admire. Likewise, women staying at home and raising a family of three or more are generally derided, even by causal acquaintances in public! Visit their far-less-popular websites and there you’ll see stories of how people feel free to walk up and tell them to stop having so many kids, or ask smugly, “you do know why this happens, don’t you?” It was supposed to be a choice, but now it’s a choice in name only.

Those cultural icons are having one child, so what’s the problem? Are they any less of a mom because they work outside the home? No way to tell, is there? There are great career moms and terrible stay-at-home moms. Same for the reverse. Same for dads. But all those couples having one child gets to the root of the problem. The measure of how many children a woman has on average over her lifetime is called the total fertility rate or TFR. To keep a steady population in a modern society, it needs to be about 2.2. Right now the US is at 1.79, meaning one is all the children these women are ever going to have. You don’t need to have an advanced math background to see that two parents resulting in one child will not maintain the population.

When American couples are asked why they have no or only one child, the answers always begin with something like this wording: “it’s not that we’re selfish, but . . .” The rest is usually either it’s too expensive or there isn’t enough time with two careers. The rationalization is obvious in the opening phrase, but is also consistent throughout. See, most of these couples will have one child, and every child is a net negative when it comes to your income, your time commitments and your loyalties. It is never an economically rational choice. So why have even one or why not stop at one?

Sometimes there is a time element invoked, as in, “we would like to have children (note the plural) later when our careers and finances can afford us to do it right.” Yet the data show that doesn’t happen in general. It gets harder biologically, financially, career-wise, and personality-wise to change family size and dynamics later in life. Some social scientists and policy officials think that economics is the key, and if we only had more financial support (free child care, free maternity care, more paid time-off, better family housing and the like) the issue would resolve. But social democratic governments have tried these measures with no positive results. No amount of government support will mask the burden of child-raising.

It comes back to culture, and the clue was in the “not selfish” line. The culture has twisted the concept of parenthood into something more like an apprenticeship. When parents had many children, they expected some to live, some to die. They expected some to be more successful, some less so. They expected success to be defined in different ways (back then, often in different ways for women and men, but the concept holds). Nowadays, many parents see having children as requiring the money, the time, the house, the job, the child-care, the tutors, the camps, the sports leagues, the private music lessons, and the enrichment activities to be successful in life: rich, educated, well-off. They hover (“helicopter parents”) over their charges, supervising all aspects (“play-dates”), demanding special accommodations in school and even engaging with their (adult!) child’s prospective employers! By their own accounts, it is financially, emotionally, and temporally exhausting. But it is driven by a notion of success that is not universal, nor even practical. It results in sustained pressure in childhood, family stress, and limitations rather than opportunities. And that is where we are today.

This standard of “success” is universal, artificial, personal, and entirely tangible. Universal as while it differs in degree (what counts in India might be different than America), it is happening all over the world. Artificial in that it is relatively new and there is no apparent reason for it. Personal in that it pertains to MY children, and what happens to yours or our society is secondary. And finally tangible as it deals with money, fame, or power, but not necessarily happiness, contentment, or satisfaction. Those goals are thought to be ensured by the means of education, career, and wealth.

In America, not well.

You might have seen this issue alluded to in the media as a result of Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance’s comments about “childless cat ladies.” That was poorly-worded, if accurate. One fact-checker pointed out that childless cat ladies are indeed a die-hard set of Democratic party voters. But his language was more an attempt to “Pwn the libs” than to initiate an intelligent discussion. Likewise, social media memes which attribute any such concern to a desire for some type of patriarchal imposition of the Handmaid’s Tale are just as useless. The issue is real and thoughtful people from economist Nicolas Eberstadt to progressives like the New York Times’ Ezra Klein have also highlighted it.

Women report record levels of disappointment despite solid gains in income, freedom, and career. Children have record levels of anxiety, drug treatments, suicidal tendencies, drug use (especially marijuana), and self-harm. Men are increasingly withdrawn and avoid commitments. Divorce rates are down, but only because marriage rates have collapsed. Free to have a family without a husband, women find it ridiculously stressful (who’d have thought?).

Now a stagnant or declining population does not necessarily mean disaster. The problem is our nations, our governments, and our societies were based on a growing population, and that’s not the case any more. We can make some generalizations. First, all the changes will take place over decades, but they will accelerate over time. So what seems like an inconvenience at first soon becomes a crisis. Infrastructure will need to be repurposed or reduced. Government services will have to be reduced. There will be less innovation, as there will be fewer people to spark it. Some areas (counties? towns? cities?) may simply need to be abandoned. Concepts like national defense may need to be re-thought, as finding people willing to risk death in defense of a “dying” culture is a difficult proposition.

Or we’ll need to re-evaluate what it means to have children. What it means to be a parent. What it means for them (and us) to be “successful.” Why go through the economic dislocation and the worrying? Why care about the nation, the village, the family? As our age demands, there are plenty of choices here. But as our age rejects, choices have consequences. Choose wisely!

*During periods like the Black Death, it is probable the human population stagnated or decreased slightly for a few years or a decade. No one knows for sure how many people died, or even what the population in some regions of the world was at the time. But the overall trend over time was always up.

Faith, Reason, & Ignorance

Science is a body of knowledge stemming from a process of experimentation. Scientific theories explain the phenomena being investigated. When something new is discovered, a new theory must replace the old one; hence science is never “settled” but always dynamic.

No scientific theory seems more well-attested than gravity. Everyone knows what gravity is: the attraction between any two objects of mass. Everyone knows that gravity is real; a common joke for people who describe some scientific finding as “just a theory” is to suggest they test the “theory” of gravity by jumping out a window. We can even calculate gravity’s effects with great accuracy and precision. For the longest time, scientists could do all these things without being able to show “how” one body attracted another. Many scientists searched (still do) for “gravitons,” invisible particles which moved between the masses to connect them. But they remain elusive.

Only in 1915 did Albert Einstein explain that mass distorts or bends “space-time,” causing smaller objects to move toward larger ones (i.e., gravity). Got that? Probably not. Most folks could spend a lifetime studying space-time and not quite get it. Mostly because it cannot be seen. We can measure how it works, see its effects in things like gravity, but the thing itself, space-time? Well, it remains elusive. But it does explain gravity, so we accept it.

Image depicting mass (the Earth) distorting space-time

What does that mean, that we accept it? It works, at least as far as we can tell. We believe it. We have faith in the scientists, the scientific method, and the theory.

Oh, there’s that word. “But, Pat,” you object, “we can prove it exists and works, so that’s not faith, it’s science!” Perhaps. But does gravity work the same way at the quantum level (very small) as it does on the cosmic level (very large)? Science still can’t tell if it does. But we trust in the scientists, the experimental results, because they represent what we can experience in real life: gravity. That trust, despite not being able to see gravitons or know exactly how space-time works? That’s faith, baby.

In a similar manner, consider mathematics, a pure art where truth is not abstract. Numbers are concrete things, and mathematical equations have a right and wrong answer. At the most basic level of math, there are equations and proofs which defy uncertainty. But the deeper you go in math, the fuzzier it gets. Get into algebra and physics, and you run into things called irrational numbers: numbers that can only be approximated, because the full understanding of the number is a non-repeating decimal sequence: √2 or π are irrational numbers. They are very real, but never exact.

Deeper still lie complex or imaginary numbers. What!?!? What is the square root of a negative number? Any negative times itself is positive, so the question in unsolvable without the creation of another axis (think of real plus and minus numbers being along a line) of numbers which have the identifier “i” added. Now the square root of negative four is two i (√-4 = 2i). Try to find these numbers in real life, and they remain (again) elusive . . . but important. Much of what we understand about electricity stems from working with imaginary numbers, and the same concepts are critical in calculus, necessary in so many other technological endeavors. The very name imaginary numbers points out the fact these can’t be seen, can’t be found, only theorized: believed in. Because they work.

“To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.”

Hebrews 11:1

I frequently see friends on social media making derogatory statements about faith, of the sort, “I believe in reason, not faith,” “faith is blindly accepting some dogma or belief,” or “faith is unREASONABLE.” If faith were any of those things, I would agree with them. The truth is, faith is none of them, and the so-called reasonable people rely on faith, too. Religious faith is simply trust in God, a simple statement carried even on American currency (i.e., “In God We Trust”). Faith is not something we do, it is a gift, free to be accepted or rejected. The faithful receive the gift and trust the Giver, believing what God has said about how to live and what awaits those who do so faithfully. Those who reject the gift do not see (cannot see) what the faithful see.

Try avoiding these, if you want to stay away from faith

Perhaps you have heard the phrase “for those with faith, no explanation is necessary; for those without faith, no explanation is possible” often applied to miraculous events. The faithful can simply accept what they see; the faithless can only question, but not explain. As is often the case, Saint Augustine of Hippo put it succinctly: crede ut intellegas, or “believe so that you may understand.” The faithful believe because it works: life becomes intelligible, even joyful, when one suddenly sees the world through the eyes of faith. Not carefree nor easy, mind you. But joy-filled. It just works.

What do we call people who refuse to believe something, even if it works? Some might be ignorant, simply unable to understand. Others might be delusional, unable to discern what’s real or what’s not. All of these folks deserve our empathy, as they face challenges no one would want to face. But what about people who know better, but still refuse to accept? That’s what I call un-reasonable!

Eurobservations

Random musings from our six-week excursion, starting in Amsterdam, through Milan and Puglia, down to Sicily and back up to Vicenza:

I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but it still amazes me that casual American culture has so overtaken Europe. Even baseball caps are no longer a dead giveaway of American tourists. I can’t tell you how many middle-aged (aka “adult”) men I saw wearing t-shirts with vulgar English-language slogans (e.g., “if you can read this, f*ck you!”) who were clearly locals. Athletic shoes (I am old enough to have typed tennis shoes before correcting myself) for all, athleisure apparel wear for women, be-sloganned t-shirts for men (although still no shorts, gracias a Dios!). Yes, Europeans still dress well for work or to go out at night (i.e., when they want to be dressy), but otherwise they look as slovenly as any middle-American mall cohort. *sigh*
Vaping was a constant wherever we went: far too many people in Europe have not gotten the message it’s as bad as smoking. There was a lot of toking in Amsterdam, a lot of regular smoking the farther we went south in Italy. Restaurants and businesses upheld all the correct laws about non-smoking, but often it was easy to be surrounded by a cloud of smoke out and about.
Why has Europe perfected healthy, delicious snacks and quick meals, and the US hasn’t? We got bagged cornetti (fruit-filled rolls) on the trains in Europe, and they tasted fresh and good, even after a few days. You could buy snacks from an automat machine and they tasted good. Coffee vending machines? Excellent! Even the prepared meals/snacks in the supermarket were well-done, easy to prepare, and healthy. Contrast that with America: pizza rolls (motto: “no animals or vegetables were harmed in the manufacture of this product”), desiccated 7-11 hot dogs, stale Twinkies from a vending machine last inspected in 2011. Didn’t we invent fast food? And why does US fast food have unpronounceable ingredients? It’s enough to make one believe in the conspiracy theories!
Evolution has not caught up with the Italian people in light of the cell phone. Watching a young Italian woman hold a phone video conversation on a train was worth the price of admission. One hand cradling the device, the other gesturing wildly. Then a sudden pause, as she shifted the phone to the other hand, and resumed gesturing with the first. And so on, back-n-forth. Until they master hands-free technology in Europe, the Italians are throttled.
Permissive parenting is a drag. I like to be around kids; I really enjoy playing games with my grandkids. But I am used to, and expect, parents to teach children their place in society. I had a chance to book a “quiet car” on TrenItalia and thought “why?” Well I learned why, because the two Italian families in our car let their children play tag, run, and scream around the car for an hour. Likewise, our attempt to sit in a cafe near Bari and enjoy the outdoor setting was ever-so-slightly disturbed by two Italian grandparents who seemed to really enjoy their grandson chasing pigeons in the park. Shrieking at the top of his lungs. For half-an-hour straight. So loud the three local men listening to the live feed of the calcio (soccer) match couldn’t hear the broadcast. Ay-ay-ay!
The Dutch like fried food. . . a lot. I learned that Dutch expats miss most bitterballen: fried, battered meatballs. They also crave raw herring sandwiches. I thought this was because of all the coffee shops and MJ use, but it long predates that. I never want to hear anybody criticize pizza rolls again.
Italian cuisine, in its many forms, is amazing. But is it okay to admit that while every place in Italy claims to be unique and special in its pasta/cheese/tomatoes/ragu/etc., that in the end, the similarities are far greater than the differences? It’s all good; it’s often great. But I’m sorry, it is all not that different. And it is still hard to find any other cuisine in Italy, except in larger cities.
If you are going to travel by train in Europe at all, make sure and google some combination of the name of the country you will be in, the month, and the words “train strike.” They are so regular that they actually frequently announce them. Few things would be worse than finding that the train service to your airport is disrupted on the day you’re leaving.
Before we left I was cleaning out my clothes closet and decided it was finally time to throw out my twenty-year-old cargo pants. Damn if they’re not back in fashion, all over Europe. I could have been vintage! Ditto for mom jeans, but I don’t have any.
My suspicion that a sport coat was all it took to pass as “not an American tourist” still has a perfect record. Since I bought a good, lightweight, navy blue sport coat and started wearing it–especially on travel days–I have never had anyone walk up to me and start speaking in English. Or ask where in America I was from. The sport coat is not exactly a style setter, but it is enough to look like a serious adult (even me!), it’s comfortable (if you research and buy the right product), and it holds up even to machine washing. I do need to learn the phrase “Sorry, I don’t speak ______” because I do get asked for directions, time, weather, etc.
If you really want to score some points travelling, learn a little about the national politics where you are headed and ask a local (e.g., a garrulous taxi driver) what they think of a party, a candidate, or an issue. Most Europeans I met are amazed to find an American who knows a little about their national politics, and they will willingly vent on the subject. It’s fun, educational, and passes the time.
The Chinese tourist wave, which washed over Europe just before Covid, has still not resurfaced. Which is not to say places aren’t crowded with tourists, just not large Chinese tour groups.

Night trains in Europe?

Overnight train travel is returning to Europe after a few decade hiatus. Should you try it? Bottom Line Up Front from the late Amy Winehouse:

Way back in the Cold War, I got a few chances to take the train system in western Europe, and it was a great experience: inexpensive, efficient, timely (especially when run by Germans). A few times I got to take night trains, in second-class cars where the opposing seats pulled out and together to form one large bed for the four-to-six riders. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it worked. I even got one opportunity to take an overnighter which crossed from (then) Czechoslovakia through East Germany into West Germany. I had a sleeper berth on that one, with the added service of a East German Border Polizei shining a night-stick sized flashlight in my face at zero dark thirty.

I enjoyed the trains, especially the night trains; there is something about the gentle rocking motion, the fun of waking up at your destination, the freedom to walk around and enjoy the scenery, or go eat in a cafe car that just appealed to me.

The end of the Cold War and the gradual elimination of borders and customs among European countries should have been a golden age for trains. But as it happened, governments looked at the cost of maintaining national rail systems and they blinked. Deregulation allowed cut rate air carries like RyanAir to offer low-cost travel in direct competition. And the big national railways were directed to compete with each other, rather than cooperate. Long-range overnight train travel was among the casualties.

Recently, there has been a surge of interest in bringing back overnight trains. Some countries are limiting middle distance flights for ecological reasons. The rail system has solid infrastructure and most of the waste or redundancy has been wrung out of the system. So several companies or national lines are re-introducing overnighter trains.

When planning our current trip, I stumbled across the website “The Man in Seat 61” (link here) and it gave detailed instructions for almost any European rail adventure. Sure enough, there were such instructions to get from Amsterdam, where our cruise ended, to southern Italy, where our expat investigation began. We signed up for the OBB Nightjet train, run by Austria, which took us from Amsterdam Centraal to Zurich Hauptbanhof. There we caught another famous line across the Alps to Milan for a day stop. Then back to a day trip on a Frecciarossa high-speed (300 kph) train all the way to Bari. After a tour in Sicily, we signed up for a Trenitalia sleeper train which not only took us from Palermo, Sicily, to Rome, it also is the only train which boards a ferry (to cross the Messina Strait).

Sleeper car on the ferry, headed across the Strait of Messina

I was most looking forward to the Nightjet experience, but it didn’t live up to my expectations. First, it leaves at almost nine pm, which means you’ll be spending some quality time in the train station with all your luggage. When time came to board, the car concierge couldn’t find the correct key to unlock the inner security door, leaving a pile of customers stuck halfway into the train. This was an augur of things to come. She was very good at telling us what she couldn’t do, but less helpful otherwise. She did explain that the “call button” worked (i.e., it rang in her work area) but she would rarely be there so don’t bother. Hmmmmm.

One of four beds shown: one more folds down on the left, and there are two up top across from each other

We booked a two person sleeper, which was private and cozy. There was an adequate air system which seemed to provide the warm/cool air desired, good storage space, and a hidden wash basin. The bed was comfy enough, although I did flag down the concierge and have her open the middle row bed (each cabin has four beds, three on one side and one on the other) since the rounded-off top of the cabin made my head and feet touch the opposing walls. We filled out a nice little card (in four languages) with a selection of six breakfast items like coffee, brötchen (fresh German rolls) cheese and various meats.

The ride itself was uneventful: a few stops, no interruptions, and very sleep-able. Some of the staff took to holding a conversation outside our cabin, but they moved on before it turned into a problem. Around seven in the morning, the concierge was due to deliver our breakfast order. By seven-thirty, I was getting concerned, since we were due to arrive before eight-thirty. She knocked on the cabin door to announce she had only some yogurt, coffee, and orange juice, and would we like that? You take what you can get, so we agreed. But what was the purpose of the elaborate order the night before? Finally, the train arrived on time in Zurich.

The Trenitalia night train boarded in Palermo just before seven in the evening, but it had no cafe car, so we were warned to bring a meal along if we wanted one. The cabin was smaller than the Nightjet one. Both were clearly refurbished stock from the 1970s/80s. Again, possibly four beds, good storage (although much of it is overhead, tough to use for a large suitcase), and a hidden sink. The cabin steward surprised us with some travel snacks, bottled water, and I was even able to buy a small bottle of wine.

The cabin was a little stuffy, so we turned on the air conditioning. It worked well for about ninety-minutes, then suddenly switched to heat. The cabin quickly turned into a sauna, so I jumped out to find the steward. I flagged him down, and explained what the problem was; he was probably the least-English-fluent person we met on the entire trip. But he nodded, put his hand on the air vent (warm), checked the control (set to coldest), shook his head, then . . . opened the window. That was it. He couldn’t turn the heat off, but he could open the window. Which sounds ok, except the train was travelling at more than one-hundred miles per hour. At that speed, the sound is deafening, worse still when you pass another train going in the opposite direction.

Sample test question: Pat leaves Palermo going east at 100 mph. His air conditioning stops working in ninety minutes. Assuming otherwise normal conditions, how long does it take for Pat to fall asleep?

A) Instantly, but he wakes every few seconds due to the noise.

B) thirty minutes, but the dripping sweat wakes him up.

C) two hours, then he dreams of murdering the cabin steward.

D) All of the above.
From the revised SAT

Granted, we made it from Amsterdam to Zurich, and Palermo to Rome, in one piece. And the cost was less than separate airline tickets and a hotel room. But the experience was decidedly bargain, but not at cut-rate prices. Maybe it will take a little longer for the night train experience to peak.

Our trips in business or first class aboard Trenitalia were better: faster, cleaner, more comfortable, better food, wifi, and customer service. If you book far enough in advance, they can be very economical, but that is an art form in itself, and I recommend the Seat 61 website for all the key tips.

So for the time being, only consider a sleeper train if it has a new cabin. Stick to day trips on the high speed lines, and leave the sleeping to hotels. Maybe someday the sleeper will return!

Sicily

Word association time: what word comes to mind when someone says Sicily? Probably mafia or Godfather, first. Maybe cannoli, but that could be linked to the famous “Leave the gun, take the cannoli” line from the movie, too. Until fairly recently, it was fair to connect the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea with organized crime. Mafia control, portrayed in the Godfather movie trilogy, got so bad in the 1990s that they literally blew up several judges who had the audacity to question their hold. But la Cosa Nostra (as they are known) overplayed their hand, and the bombing led to a sustained campaign to break them down. Successive Italian governments tracked them down, and even Pope Francis joined in, excommunicating them in 2014. After thirty years, organized crime has returned to the shadows, unable to flex its muscles in the daylight.

But Sicily remains a poor, underdeveloped place with an abundance of history and culture. Whether the former attributes outweigh the latter is a matter of personal opinion.

We started our tour in Palermo, the island’s one-time capital and largest city. Palermo was a royal city, and a must-see part of the Grand Tour for European nobility in the eighteenth century. It has a proud heritage that mixes Phoenician, Roman, Greek, Norman, Arab, and Spanish influences. But today these influences largely reside in monuments and meals, and the main feel of the city is a blue-collar, slightly grimy vibe. I’d call it Naples without the cachet.

The other large city is Catania, on the east coast, literally in the shadow of Mount Etna. It has some of the same challenges, but seems a little more successful, having more a university town vibe than Palermo. The volcano is a must-see tourist stop, so that’s one advantage; it also accounts for unique soil and terroir, benefiting wines, cheeses, vegetables and the like.

One small lava field on Etna, which dominates the eastern shore

Getting around Sicily is a challenge. First, it’s large. Second, it is mountainous. It does have a bus, train, and car routes, but all of it runs on a sinuous network that could make a Formula One driver queasy. Palermo and Catania have decent airports, the latter subject to Mount Etna’s whims. So you can spend a lot of time getting from one site to another, or even around a town.

Monks built a earthen wall to protect against the 1669 Etna eruption. Now they have a two-tiered campus

The small towns in Sicily are inviting, once you can get to them. There life operates on a different level. They benefit from the fertile volcanic soil and the warm and (usually) moist climate, but mostly from the history. On the island, you can find some of the best Greek temples, Roman villas, baroque churches, and even Punic sites.

Maybe you like history?

How about scenery?

Of course there’s always the food:

Sicilian street food lunch at Florio winery

Sicily? Worth a visit. Given the geography, I suggest a tour, especially one themed to what you like: history? Food? Wine? Your ethnic background? One challenge is that Sicily is already warm in the traditional “shoulder” season, so the crowds start building earlier in the Spring than elsewhere in Europe. As to our sweepstakes for another expat site, this visit confirmed it is off our list. While it is charming and alluring, it is too hard to get to and too hard to get around. If I was an Italian-American looking to rediscover my Sicilian roots, it might be a different story.

Hands down, still the best photo of the trip!

Bari, Puglia

I know, you’re thinking, “Bari? Why are you in Bari? Wait, where is Bari?” Answering the last question first, Bari is a port city on the Adriatic coast of Italy, across from Albania, and it’s the capital of the Italian region of Puglia, often referred to in English as Apulia. But to make it easy, Puglia is the heel of the Italian “boot.”

“Why” merits a longer answer. This part of our trip is to experience a taste of expat life in southern Italy. Like we did in Spain’s Andalucia in January, we’re visiting this expat hot-spot to see how it “feels” to us. No agenda, no list of must-see/do’s, just six nights in Bari Vechia (old town). Southern Italy has become something of a magnet for American expats, especially those with Italian roots. The region has great weather, great food (‘natch), and decent value for cost of living, including housing.

We arrived on a Wednesday evening, expecting a quiet, work-night scene for a regional capital of 300,000+. So we were surprised by large crowds, closed streets, and a very festive atmosphere. When I asked the taxi driver if this was a normal sight for a late Spring weekday, he said, “no, it’s the festival for San Nicolas.”

Basilica of San Nicolas (very Norman or Romanesque!)

Now I knew Bari had an affinity for Saint Nick (San Nicolas de Bari is one of his official titles), and I knew all about Saint Nick in his Santa Claus personna, I even knew he originally was Bishop of Myra, in present-day Turkiye. But his feast day is December 6th, not May 9th. What gives? Seems we stumbled into an interesting historical phenomenon which goes back over 900 years, involving Muslims, Catholics, Orthodox, Turks, Byzantines, Venetians, relics, miracles, and Vladimir Putin. Seriously.

The Saint, back from his boat trip and walk around town

Nicolas was a famous Bishop in Myra, martyred during the Diocletian persecution around 343 Christian Era (CE). He was a Greek living in the Roman Empire, known for his piety and many miracles. Although there are no definitive accounts of his life, his cult emerged after his death. He is beloved by both the Orthodox and Catholic Rites of Christianity, becoming the basis for Santa Claus in the latter, while there are more churches dedicated to him in Moscow than any other Orthodox saint. He is the patron saint of sailors, prostitutes, repentant thieves, brewers, pawn-brokers, and students, groups which are certainly not mutually exclusive.

The saint’s remains resting place, and the devotion they attract

In 1054 CE the Church split into competing Catholic and Orthodox branches in the Great Schism, and in 1087 the Seljuk Turks overran the Bishopric of Myra, capturing the tomb of Saint Nick. A group of merchants and sailors in Bari, Italy, decided to raid and return (most of, Venetians later grabbed the rest) the saint’s remains to Christian hands. They brought them back to Bari on May 9th, establishing a “feast of the translation” (i.e., transportation, which sounds so much better than “theft”) at a new church in Bari. We had wandered into the middle of that feast.

And what a feast. Dignitaries from East and West attend, this year the biggest being the Latin Patriarch of Jerusalem. The statue of San Nicolas is collected up by the faithful and processed down to the docks, where sailors take it out for a night at sea. The next day, they re-enact the “translation” and the faithful gather to welcome their beloved saint home. The statue has a “skirt” attached to it (covering up the men carrying it) so it looks like it “walks” up from the port to the basilica. It moves to a spot on a promenade where it stays while masses of Thanksgiving are held in the Basilica Catholic Church upstairs and the Orthodox Crypt Church below, where the saint’s remains, well, remain. During the final mass, a priest crawls under the altar to the tomb containing the remains, unlocks it, and draws out: water. Although the box containing the bones is sealed, some form of liquid, called manna by the faithful, has been accumulating since the saint died. Of course this manna has miraculous properties and is diluted and widely shared among the believers.

One of the clothes used to collect the manna

What’s really a miracle to me is the way Catholic and Orthodox get along so well during all this, whereas in Jerusalem and elsewhere they are usually at each other’s ecclesiastical throats. For example, even Putin was allowed to make a pilgrimage to Bari in 2007! So Bari is full of Orthodox and Catholic faithful.

The view from our balcony: three eras of church wall

Bari Vecchia, where we stayed, is a typical medieval maze of tiny streets, repurposed castles, palaces and churches, with a blossoming harbor and new city spreading out landward from the small peninsula. The entire area is easily walkable: mostly flat, and our evening passeggiata often went completely around the seafront. There are oodles of cafes serving up espresso, osterias for seafood, pizzerias for focaccia barese. The locals are especially proud of their local pasta, called orecchiette or little ears. Women still set up tables in the narrow streets and make the pasta fresh while you watch. We were impressed with the local Primitivo and Negroamare red varietal wines. The pasta and focaccia were excellent; we have yet to find pulpo (octopus) which rivals what we find in Mexico, but the search goes on!

In addition to all that Saint Nick history, Bari has a surfeit of other historical regimes. Its earliest traces are Phoenician and Greek, then Roman, Byzantine, Norman, and finally Spanish, with each group leaving a mark architecturally. Under the Aragonese Queen Isabella, Bari passed to her daughter Bona Sforza as Duchess. She later married and outlived King Sigismund the Old of Poland, holding both titles (Queen of Poland and Duchess of Bari, among others) at the same time. So much for the patriarchy.

We took two day trips from Bari: thirty minutes south (on the local train) to Polignano a Mare, and forty minutes north to Trani. We wanted to see what smaller, less touristy towns in the area were like. Polignano is a small town famous for its cliffs, and Red Bull even sponsors a cliff diving event there every year. Trani has a bustling port and a fantastic cathedral.

Seaside Cathedral of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary

To be honest, the entire coast of Puglia is filled with small-to-medium sized towns that are very similar. Each has a small beach or port area, an old city, then a newer development (usually around the main train station) which consists of apartment blocks. Weekend or Summer vacation apartments for Italians stretch out from there. I would be hard-pressed to tell you which to select to visit; all have something to offer, but there isn’t a lot to distinguish between them in my opinion.

Puglia has been a tourist destination for Italians–looking for a quiet, inexpensive beach/shore trip–for a long time. It delivers on that promise, and remains less expensive, less pretentious (I’m looking at you, Amalfi coast), but still pleasant. Whether it has what it takes to be right as an expat haven for us? That’s a question still pending!

I only had to pay the tour guide five Euros to concoct a story requiring everyone to kiss under this arch to ensure a happy marriage.

Un momento milanese

I wish I could give you a full (not fulsome) review of the wonderful northern Italian city of Milano, aka Milan. But we were only there less than twenty-four hours, so a limited review is all I can provide. Suffice it to say the city deserves a much longer investigation, and since it is an international air hub, look to visit it to begin or end your next European journey.

After Amsterdam, we booked an overnight train trip on Austria’s OBB Nightjet which took us in early evening from Amsterdam Centraal to a morning arrival in Zurich. There we caught a connection to Milan on a quite picturesque route over, through and under the Alps. More on those train trips will be forthcoming later on our trip.

We arrived in Milano Centrale in the mid afternoon and checked in at the Hotel Bristol immediately next door to the station. The Bristol is a throwback to classy European hotel style with well-decorated rooms, eclectic art, and a breakfast buffet to die for. We explained to the concierge that we were in town for just one meal, right now, which unfortunately falls between the Italian lunch and dinner hours. He directed us to an osteria, Mama Rossa’s, a few blocks away. It was fantastic, and the waiter couldn’t help himself but to give give us an amuse bouche, extra bread, extra wine, and a lesson in Puglian cuisine, once he learned that’s where we were headed next.

Just looking at this again makes my mouth water

We waddled/staggered (did I mention the free apperitivo? The gratis limoncello?) out of Mama’s and jumped on the metro down to the Duomo: Milan’s majestic cathedral. The Duomo is quite literally a site to behold. Every corner, every window, every spire and doorway is covered with frescoes, carving, and religious symbolism. If you go–and you should–take a guided tour or get an audio guide and take your time. But we weren’t there for the tour. We just wanted to visit and pray.

I have mentioned previously that many European churches, basilicas, and cathedrals have tourist charges, but also permit “the faithful” to visit free of charge. The cost is just decorum and limited or no photography. We found the religious entrance and asked if we could go in and pray. The female guard took a look at me, wearing a small back pack and speaking English, and my wife, with a real camera around her neck. She said, “Not now. You should wait for the next Mass.” “Ok,” we replied, “when is it?” “Five-thirty.” “Great,” we said and walked around to a place where we could sit for thirty minutes and wait.

I watched as the guard let one group of locals (no handbags, no back packs, no cameras, speaking Italian) after another through to pray. I could tell she was watching me, watching her. She finally decided we must be legitimate, and she waved us over at five-fifteen. We found our way around to a small chapel directly behind the main altar, where we got the opportunity to attend a full Mass in Italian on a Tuesday evening. We made a point of thanking the guard on the way out!

May the Lord forgive me for a quick shot from behind the main altar!

Exhausted from our “relaxing” overnight train adventure, with bellies full of gnocchi, spinach, and meatballs and livers reeling from wine and spirits, we called it a night, knowing we were on the road again the next morning to Puglia.

This was just a hit-n-run visit; we knew that going in. Milan has so much art, fashion, culture and industry it demands your time. Still, it was a special meal, a special hotel, and a special Mass: of these great visits are made!

Amsterdam

Since our transatlantic cruise deposited us in Amsterdam, we decided to take an extra day and see what this unique and interesting city has to offer. No, not in the way of the red light district, nor in the coffee houses. Both of these quintessential “Amsterdam” things are embarrassing to the locals. They are trying to disperse the brothels, and make tourist use of cannabis more difficult if not illegal. Signs were everywhere prohibiting public joint smoking, but we could barely walk along the canals without choking on the noxious weed. And why would anyone want to take pictures of women who find so-called sex work a career choice?

If you do word association with “Amsterdam” you’ll get a lot of those two social problems (prostitution and marijuana), but what you should get is history, art, architecture, and even food. Which is what we found. Amsterdam is a very walkable city, and has great/affordable public transportation in metros, trains, busses and trams. We only touched the surface of its artistic riches, visiting the Rijksmuseum to see its holdings of Van Gogh, Rembrandt, and Vermeer. Likewise, the Dutch Maritime Museum has a full complement from the days of the Dutch East India Company, when ships like this brought the wealth of the world home to the bustling ports.

We even found a fabulous little museum called “Ons’ Lieve Heer op Solder” or “Our Lord in the Attic.” Seems after the Dutch separated from the Spanish Catholic Hapsburgs, they instituted an unusual form of religious toleration: every person was free to believe in whatever religion they wished in private, but only Dutch Calvinist churches were permitted public worship. All other religious spaces were confiscated and prohibited. This led to the creation of secret “house churches,” invisible from the street, which the authorities tolerated. One such secret church still exists as a museum!

Dutch food is a combination of hearty northern European fare (potatoes, meat and vegetables in pies and rolls), seafood, and influences from the former colonial territories, especially Indonesia. For example, you can get a tasty peanut satay sauce on just about anything the Dutch serve: I got it on a meatball and pickle sandwich! They also love their croquettes, basically ground up whatever in batter and fried.

The Dutch seem to be struggling with their reputation for being tolerant, well-meaning folk. Take their love of bike riding. It works well for them in a place like Amsterdam, it’s efficient, it’s ecological, it’s healthy. Just don’t get in their way. Think about that for a second. When people drive that way in the US, we call their rudeness out. We watched mobs of Dutch cyclists zooming everywhere, among crowds, cars, and clueless tourists, but somehow this was all ok because, well, why? Rude is rude, even on two wheels.

Likewise, we had to literally shove people out of the way to get on and off the tram, which loads from one set of doors and unloads from another. This system should work well, but on more than once occasion we saw locals just enter the trams and block the door, even after a polite English “excuse me.” And yes, everyone speaks English there.

Tack on the aforementioned religious “toleration,” and the way public drinking and smoking is winked at. Dutch officials spend a lot of time and money on public works just to get the streets cleaned up during the work week, money which might be saved with a little more prevention up front. We’re early-to-bed types, but we heard some partiers at the next breakfast table discussing how hard it was to get down the street between the drunks and the vomit . . . on a Sunday night. The government has even taken to advertising in the UK press telling Britons just to just stay home: no more stag/hen parties!

Verdict? Amsterdam is an interesting place, and a unique one. I’d say it’s worth a short visit, easily accomplished in conjunction with a river/ocean cruise or with a stay over at Schipol airport. Have I seen better art, ate better food, met friendlier people? Yes. But the city itself is so different, and the history so rich, it’s worth it even if you have to cough up some second-hand weed, step over the vomit, or get clocked by a biker.

Transatlantic

This post finds you from its origin deep amidst a crossing of the Atlantic Ocean. That itself is a wonder, even in the middle of this instantaneous and omnipresent age of communications. Why are we crossing “the big pond?” That’s a story worth telling, and more.

Only sight like this for 100+ light-years in every direction

We’ve noticed that our annual springtime pilgrimage to Europe suffered from the effects of that red-eye flight and subsequent jet lag, costing us a few days recovery every time. We tried preparing for the time change, avoiding the free alcohol, adjusting our eating, flying premium economy or even business class, but these only partially mitigated the effects. In planning the trips, I became resigned to getting a decent flight schedule and just adjusting from there. Then a neighbor mentioned he and his wife no longer flew to Europe in the Spring, they took a repositioning cruise there. I questioned adding the cost of a cruise on to the cost of visiting Europe, and he pointed out that the approximately two week cruise cost about the same as round trip business airfare.

Of course I thought he was kidding, but when I researched it, there it was in black and white. Seems every Spring, cruise lines sortie parts of their fleet from America to Europe (mostly the Mediterranean) to position the ships for summer cruising. The return trip in the Fall sets up all those Caribbean cruises in the Winter. There are some smaller fleet movements in the Pacific and to/from South America, but we were interested in the transatlantic leg.

Why are they cheaper than most cruises? First off, they involve different embark and disembark locations, on different continents, which make them more challenging for vacation planners. Second, the nature of the trip is mostly open ocean, and most vacation cruisers like port calls. Third, it’s always two weeks, in Spring and Fall, which means families really can’t afford the time commitment. So the clientele is older retirees, frequent cruisers, and people like us trying it out for transport. All of this applies to the repositioning cruises. There is also one line, Cunard, which operates the Queen Mary II and does a week+ direct cruise between New York and England throughout most of the year.

One thing I noticed immediately is that the best deals pass quickly. While most people don’t even consider transoceanic cruises, the number of those who do is growing and they are passionate about them. Such travelers snapped up the best deals. We ended up on the Celebrity Silhouette leaving Fort Lauderdale for Bermuda, the Azores, Ireland, then Amsterdam. While this is our first Celebrity cruise, we have cruised many times on other lines, and here are some lessons learned:

Use a travel agent (TA). I usually do all my booking myself, but there are so many variables to a cruise, and TAs also get volume discounts and other freebies, making them worth your while.
If you don’t see a great deal on the cruise you want, book a cheap inside cabin and watch for “sales” and “bids for upgrades.” Join CruiseCritic (.com) and register with the appropriate roll call board for your ship. There the cruise fanatics (and they are legion) will let you know everything you need to for a great cruise. Since transatlantic cruises are still rarely full, there will almost certainly be a chance to upgrade, almost always at a reduced price. The same goes for extras like drink packages, internet access, spa access, and specialty dining. Your TA and fellow cruisers on CruiseCritic will be able to help you navigate when to purchase what you want. For example, on our cruise, we got a basic internet package as part of our room, but we hesitated to upgrade to streaming internet because of the cost. Once on board, Starlink access was offered for a very reasonable rate. On the other hand, I am told that specialty restaurants are much cheaper to reserve before the cruise.
Transatlantic cruises are not for those prone to seasickness, nor for first time cruisers. Our crossing has been a rainy, cool-but-not-cold, and choppy. Everybody walks with that brush-your-left-shoulder-on-the-port-wall, brush-your-right-shoulder-on-the-inner-wall wobble. Not something you want to face if suffer seasickness, or don’t know if you do. Not to mention whether you will enjoy “at sea” days back-to-back-to-back.
Explore your ship. We found a little known quiet lounge tucked under the spa, which has proved a godsend when the weather sends all those sun-worshipers off the top deck looking for a place to park for the day. There are drink stations, small bars, game rooms, even a library, all of which might escape the eye of the incurious cruiser.
On a two week cruise, pace yourself. Last year we did ten days on a Panama Canal cruise, and felt like we almost ate ourselves to death. We had just begun intermittent fasting, which for us means eating only breakfast and lunch. But for the cruise we thought, “what the heck, let’s hit the specialty restaurants for dinner.” Bad idea. This cruise, we have kept to our routine, and it is working for us. We have received increasingly concerned voice mail messages in our room, reminding us we haven’t visited the main dining room for dinner, and “do we need help?” I guess there aren’t too many intermittent fasters on cruise ships.
Most cruise lines retain the nickel-and-dime routine, so that what you spend in the end is generally greater than what you paid up front. Virgin Cruises is an exception, and we look forward to trying them in the future. But you need to pay attention to what your room, status, and packages entitle you. Our “classic” drink packages gets us unlimited booze, but not “top shelf” liquor or some specialty drinks. We get all the special coffee drinks at the cafe, but not carbonated water, except from the tap at the bar. I know, what? There are charges for classes, specialty drinks, flights, shore excursions, you name it. So be careful, or you’ll end up doubling your costs (but not necessarily your fun).
If you recall cruises as stuffy affairs requiring dressy clothes, you’re out of date. Even the “classy night” (replacing “formal night”) is just a collared shirt and pants for men, dress or slacks & top for women. Some folks go full-up formal, but that’s no longer a requirement. Mostly they don’t want beach/gym wear in the formal dining room, but it’s ok in the many cafes, snack bars, and bars.
Cruising remains extrovert heaven, with an opportunity to sit with strangers at every meal, bar, or event, along with games (trivia, password, etc.). But the mixing fun is not mandatory. For introverts like us, there are plenty of hiding places and tables for two.
One curiosity is that ship’s time is set by the Captain, not the position on the Earth. Our Captain has moved us ahead one hour per night, getting us to the upcoming port visit time a day early, so no one is showing up confused about what time it is. The day-after-day time changes are much easier to deal with than the all at once six-hour change of a red-eye flight to Europe. Many frequent cruisers tell us they prefer the westbound Fall trip, as they gain an hour every night enabling increased night owl activity. To each their own.
Cruise lines vary in temperament: there are party lines, classy lines, lines for families, lines for retirees, although all folks are welcome on all cruises. There are also specialty cruises for wine-lovers, music fans, etc. All of which is to say do your research and find out whether the ideal transatlantic cruise you want is also a Star Wars theme cruise, especially if you’re a Trekkie.

Was it worth it? We’re almost done, and I can confirm the time changes are far less dramatic and easy to adjust to when done once every other night. The cruise entertainment has been better than I expected, but still just worth the price (i.e., already included), and the sea days can become a little monotonous. With a little more attention to pricing and deals, and an earlier start in selecting which cruise line/route, I’d say this is an attractive alternative. Slainte!