Travel Tsunami

Lessons learned from our three-week excursion to France & Italy:

  • The days of pandemic-limited travel are over. There are a few hold-outs: China is acting like the authoritarian bully it always was, Japan is “inviting” a few tourists, and New Zealand has officially announced it is seceding from planet Earth and no longer welcomes humans. I was only kidding about that last one . . . I think.
  • The US administration which touted “following the science” continued to insist on masks when almost no one else did (is the EU anti-science? the WHO?). Now they have given in and removed the mask mandate for airlines and airports. But you still need to carry a mask, and sometimes wear it, although the general trend is no masks and no tests if you are vaccinated. If not vaccinated, countries either refuse entry (to tourists, mostly) or demand negative tests, which are becoming increasingly difficult to find.
  • The bad news is people have the itch to get out, some money and/or vacation saved from all that work-from-home, and they want to travel. Remember how the lack of available goods (supply chain disruption) sparks shortages and inflation? In the travel sector, the airlines and cruise ships and hotels and theme parks and museums and restaurants and everything else are short staffed. And they can’t surge to keep up with demand. So prices are sky-rocketing while service is dropping. Examples:
    1. KLM airlines cancelled European (local) flights into its Schipol (Amersterdam) hub one weekend because it only had enough staff on hand to service international (i.e., intercontinental) arrivals! No problem for US arrivals, but your connection may have been cancelled too, since it was a local departure and there were no local arrivals!
    2. Paris airport workers conducted a surprise mini-strike (due to overwork) the day we were leaving Charles DeGaulle airport (CDG), bringing it to a standstill just after we got out.
    3. Museums and exhibits have limited hours and tours. Most nicer restaurants insisted on dinner reservations.
  • All this will get rapidly worse starting this week. There were many Americans who were afraid to travel because they were concerned they might (1) get sick somewhere else, (2) test positive before leaving and forfeit a planned vacation, or (3) test positive overseas and get stuck in a perhaps costly quarantine. This was a sizable group that was planning domestic trips in lieu of international travel, and now with $5.00 a gallon gas and no testing requirement, they will spring for the airports.
  • Delays and missed connections are rampant. Mexico City Benito Juarex (MEX) international airport has two seperate terminals, but they closed their luggage re-check desk for international arrivals, which meant we had to leave security, pick up our luggage and drag it to another terminal then re-check as if we just departing. We would have missed our flight, but of course, it was delayed ninety minutes too! Lines are long everywhere; Amsterdam Schipol had a six hour regular security line! For this reason, I strongly recommend availing yourself of every shortcut you can. Examples:
    1. We have Global Entry (GE), which allows us to line cut both US Immigration and Customs when entering the US. One stop at a kiosk and go. GE also gives us TSA Pre-check at US airports gratis. GE costs $100 (per person) and is good for five years. It does require a short questionnaire and an interview, but unless you’re a felon or smuggled something illegally before and got caught, you will probably get approved. TSA pre-check costs $85 (per person) for five years and covers children under twelve, but does NOT get you Global Entry. Some airline loyalty programs and credit cards will reimburse you for TSA Pre-check, GE, or Clear.
    2. Speaking of which, we also signed up for Clear, which is a private security program for airports, concerts, sporting events, etc. in the US. Again, it is a line-cutting program that speeds you through based on biometric data. It takes about ten minutes to sign up at the airport, costs $179 per year, and you can add three family members for $50 each (per year). These programs (GE, TSA Pre-check, Clear) work in combination. At the airport, they may have four different security lines: Regular, Clear, TSA Precheck, and TSA PreCheck with Clear. We have used the latter at O’hare (Chicago) and Hartsfield-Jackson (Atlanta), two of the world’s busiest, during peak hours. The result: no line whatsoever. We were escorted past crowds of hundreds to the front of the line and put through the “minimum security” (belt/shoes on, liquids & electronics stay in bag) lane in seconds.
    3. At the very least, download the free Customs & Border Protection (CBP) Mobile Passport Control (MPC) App, which automates part of your re-entry to the US. While there were multiple options earlier, CBP now only accepts this one. It will work well and quickly, IF your arrival airport uses it and the CBP personnel are staffing it. GE costs more, but has always worked for us, and the MPC app does nothing for clearing Customs. Sometimes there are no Customs checks (honor system) when you arrive in the US, but if there are, there is no avoiding the lines without GE.
    4. SIgn up for airline loyalty programs with any airline you fly. Sometimes it will get you an improved security line status. Also, ask your airline about upgrades at check in or purchasing access to priority security lines. Sometimes there are cheap upgrades or only a few dollars cost for priority security check in. It never hurts to ask!
    5. Get airline lounge access. This is tricky, because lounge access can be available based on your ticket status, frequent flyer status, credit card status, or simply purchased. However, due to rising demand, airlines are starting to turn away some forms of access or limit it by number of hours or type of flight (arrival/departure). So you have to figure out what works for your travel style and price. But outside the lounges, the airport waiting areas are packed: it’s noisy, uncomfortable, and there may be nowhere to sit down. Inside the lounges, there are food and drinks, plenty of seats, showers and bathrooms and spa treatments. It’s an expensive-but-worthwhile oasis in a travel tsunami!
  • Book early for hotels, flights, and rental cars. Not only are prices rising well above inflation throught the peak summer months, but next Thanksgiving & Christmas will probably be the first major holidays AFTER pandemic restrictions are lifted, and everybody will be out on the move. Not only will you save money, but by waiting you risk being told nothing is available at any price!
  • Plan on unexpected challenges during travel days. What if your flight is cancelled (restaurants or hotels in the airport? What if anything does the airline owe you?), delayed (purchase lounge access?), or re-routed (our Air France flight MEX-CDG decided to make a refuel in Cancun!). Luggage is getting lost, flights missed, and itineraries ruined in record numbers. Just be prepared!

Patience is the order of the day. Travel was difficult-but-possible during the pandemic. If you prepare and plan ahead, you can weather the travel storm now, too.

Advice for new or aspiring lakeside expats

The gradual ebbing of the Covid pandemic, the continued retirement of the baby boomer generation, and the abiding allure of lakeside all conspire to one end: more expats are showing up once again in Chapala, Ajijic, and other communities lakeside. I realize my blog may not be the easiest to search for what I have written in the past, so I decided to recount and update my thoughts for those who are recently arrived. And here they are, in no particular order:

  • Expats have been coming here for decades. The first ones were real pioneers: no internet, one long-distance phone in the plaza, as many horses as cars on the streets, few imported American products, no real pizza (the horror!). So they came to a sleepy Mexican fishing village which got overrun sometimes on weekends and holidays with Tapatios (people from Guadalajara). Now it’s crowded (to them) all the time, there are Gringos everywhere, and even US-style politics intrudes. The old-timers don’t like it. Try to be understanding of them, because in many cases they can’t–or don’t want to–just pick up and move. But here and now is not what it once was, and they miss it.
  • Which leads to online boards and FaceBook groups. People here are friendly. People online are not. It’s a phenomenon the world over; my wife calls it “the angry guy in his underwear sitting alone at home and yelling at his computer.” Only it’s not just guys. Just like ordinary people, when alone in their cars, act outrageously because they feel anonymous, people online get snippy in ways they never would in person. So ignore them. But do learn how to search for things on whatever online source you choose before you ask the same question three-thousand gringos have asked.
  • Like anywhere, the cultural and political and ethnic mix at lakeside is changing. There have been past waves of arrivals: originally many artistic types, then Viet Nam vets and hippies, then baby boomer retirees and now even young families. Mexico’s middle class, a relatively recent development, is also discovering both lakeside and retirement, leading to more permanent Tapatios and Chilangos (Mexico City folks). They come for a variety of reasons, and stay for the clima (weather), cultura (friendly culture), and comida (food). All really are welcome here. Some folks still think everybody here is just like them, but that’s just because they don’t socialize widely enough. Whatever your background/interest/politics, you’ll find like-minded friends here.
  • All those arrivals highlight a glaring lack of infrastructure. Things like banks and hospitals and restaurants and internet service providers have grown amazingly, but water and power and roads have not kept up. Mexico is not known for its infrastructure planning, and lakeside is still peripheral enough (to government) and growing so fast as to have problems. None of these problems are catastrophic, and eventually enough Mexicans-with-connections will live here to force change. But in the meantime, your community well may run dry, or the power may be intermittent, the internet abysmally slow in the afternoon, the traffic lights un-timed. It’s Mexico’s way of telling you to slow down and enjoy the view. If that really bothers you, oh well, but don’t think you can change Mexico.
  • The price of things is a source of constant argument here. Not the actual price, but whether that price is cheap or expensive. If you come from an expensive city (like we did), everything is cheaper. If you come from a small town, house prices may shock you. If you insist on buying only American-branded products specially imported to lakeside, you might blanch after doing the math (as a quick rule, it’s twenty Mexican pesos to the dollar, or drop a digit and divide by two: 100 pesos becomes 10, divide by two equals five dollars). Remember, the Mexican brand may be identical, or may not, but it will always be less expensive. Expats get into endless (and in my opinion needless) arguments about whether to tip like NOB (North of the Border), or whether to support WalMart or the neighborhood tienda, or visiting the tianguis or the Gringo market. Here’s a clue: do as the Mexicans do. They don’t argue about such things. You do you. Life is hard enough that one should not waste one’s time arguing about its flavors.
  • Which is easy to do because the weather here is so amazing. Now those old-timers will swear it was better before, but they are getting older and more temperature sensitive. I used to run in the sleet and freezing rain NOB. After five years here, I shiver when I encounter anything below sixty degrees Fahrenheit. It happens. The average monthly temperature has not gone above a high of 87° or below a low of 41°. The rain falls mostly at night and mostly during a rainy season from June to October. We are at mile-high elevation (think Denver) and the latitude of Hawaii. This area should be a high desert plateau (like Phoenix), but the mix of the tropical latitude and lake-effect create a lush, mild, constant micro-climate. Even nearby Guadalajara is more extreme (hotter in summer, colder in winter, rainier in the season). Is it perfect? Not if you like hot humid beach weather, or Fall, or cold clean air. But it is ideal to be outside as much as you like. I tell friends that we just don’t have WEATHER here: I never think about the temperature or precipitation before leaving the casa. And even when it does get hot (never humid), it yields every night. Here’s the data:
And you can see why some expats go on vacation in May; it’s nice many other places, and it’s the only time it ever gets “hot” here
  • Lakeside is neither Florida, nor Arizona nor Texas. Some new expats may be fooled into thinking–by the sizable expat population–that here is much like those other places. That thinking will leave you surprised and annoyed. Mexico is a very different place: give it a chance and you may fall in love with it. But if you expect The Villages with tacos, you’ll be disappointed.
  • Mexicans lakeside are friendly in a small-town Mexican way. They greet strangers on the street and when entering a store or restaurant. Learn the proper use of “buenos dias, buenos tardes, buenos noches” and use it. And of course gracias and por favor. It’s not much, but it’s an attempt to accommodate yourself to the culture, and the Mexican people will welcome it.
  • To learn or not to learn Spanish? Another frequent expat point of debate. The old-timers didn’t have a choice: learn Spanish or be very lonely. Now there are many vendors who are bilingual, and specialists who will escort you through anything from a hospital visit to the dreaded encounter with the Mexican government bureaucracy. Mastering a new language is hard for everyone over the age of five, with the exception of a few people who have a knack. It’s especially hard for those of us getting on in years. But you should make an attempt. There are resources to help you whatever your learning style. You may never be fluent, but if you practice, you will be able to communicate, and the Mexicans you talk to will help you, and appreciate your effort.
  • Unlike the States and Canada, Mexico’s laws and style of regulation descend from a Spanish inheritance. I like to describe Mexican law as “the pirate code” as in, “more of a guideline than a rule.” Bureaucracy is a fine art here, and petty bureaucrats seem to enjoy being exacting. And there are ways around everything if money or connections are involved.
  • I think the concept of time is the single biggest difference between Mexico and cultures NOB. Life moves slower in Mexico. It’s not efficient, it’s not cost effective, but it is pleasant if you move with it. Work hours are variable. There are breaks (siestas) for naps or chores or visits with the family during the work-day. Reservations are approximate; parties start about two hours after they start, and last forever. It’s not that Mexicans are never in a hurry: watch out for Tapatios on the carretera during the weekend: driving in non-existent lanes or even on the bike path to pass traffic! It is more like if you’re NOT in a hurry, don’t BE in a hurry. You will get there when you get there; the work will get done when it gets done. This can be frustrating to type-A, can-do, “time is a-wasting,” time-is-money gringos. Learn the concept of mañana. It literally means both tomorrow and morning, but figuratively means everything from “just after midnight” to someday or even never. And that’s ok.
  • About that traffic. Another quick start to an expat argument is the traffic around these parts. Mention it, and old-timers will remind you when there were no traffic lights. City folk (like me) will chuckle: you call this traffic? Others lament the twenty or forty or sixty minutes to get across town . . . in a small fishing village. Here’s the thing: We have too few roads and too many cars, especially when the tourists come in for holidays and the snowbirds visit. There are no good places to put more roads. Traffic lights only work to facilitate traffic flow if (1) they are timed and coordinated and (2) people obey traffic laws. Neither happens in Mexico. So for example in San Antonio Tlayacapan, people complain and lights go in, causing back-ups, so the lights go intermittent or get taken down: rinse and repeat. Timing and Coordinating the lights? See my comment about infrastructure. Obeying traffic laws? See my comment about the pirate code. Your best bet is to slow down (unless you’re really in a hurry, and ask yourself “why?”), and either turn up your air conditioning, or roll down your windows and people watch.
  • Mexico is as diverse a country and culture as the States or Canada: go and visit it! There are excellent low-cost airlines and terrific interstate and intercity, cheap-but-luxurious bus lines. Drive the autopistas (toll roads called cuotas by the gringos, but that just means “tolls”), which are somewhat expensive (remembering the relativity therein) but safe and fast. Most people know the Atlantic and Pacific resorts, but there are natural wonders (Copper Canyons, Barrancas del Cobre, rivaling the Grand Canyon or Morelia for the Monarch butterflies), Colonial cities (Guanajuato, Querrétaro, Puebla), arts centers (San Miguel de Allende) and of course, the big enchilada: Ciudad de Mexico (just México to the Mexicans, which leads to all those confusing road signs and airport monitor listings). There are guided tours, or just find a gringo with more experience and travel with them. Lakeside is great, but it is even better as a base to explore everywhere else in Mexico.
  • Travel around Mexico? What about all the crime, the cartels, Narcos? Let’s get real. I wrote here and again here about the criminal threat to gringo expats and tourists. The gist of it is: if you don’t use, buy or sell drugs, if you don’t stay out all night partying and drinking, if you don’t flash cash or I-phones or jewelry, if you don’t get drunk in public, the chances of falling prey to the cartels is minimal. Not zero, but unlikely. Do you do those things at home? Probably not, because they are unsafe; same here. The data show Mexico is no more dangerous than Japan for American expats and visitors. If you want to be extra safe, consult the US State Department travel advisory page here. Pay no attention to the general warning (“Reconsider travel”), it is boilerplate language intended for newbie travelers who think a US passport is some kind of international travel protection. Go to the state or region page for where you want to travel, and read the section on restrictions for US governmental personnel. This highlights the specific places (like towns or roads or neighborhoods) which the US government wants its employees to avoid because there is evidence of recent violence there. They are more cautious than most visitors need to be, but it’s an excellent resource. The most common crime problems locally are petty thefts and purse snatchings. Which doesn’t make for much of a TV series.
  • Speaking of governments, Mexico has one, and you are not welcome to engage in its politics. The language is right there in Article 33 of the Mexican constitution. Now you would have to be a pretty big, public nuisance to warrant deportation, but Mexico is especially sensitive to foreign pressure or influence (invaded six times), so leave your political opinions about Mexico to yourself or your immediate gringo buddies. It’s only polite (educado) and Mexicans are always educado. “But wait, I’m a Mexican citizen” some old-timer will object! Ok, technically (and legally) you can vote and engage in politics, but here’s the larger point. Even if you’re a dual citizen, or here legally as a residente permanante or temporal, you’re still not a Mexican (unless you or your family was originally from Mexico, and you’re a returnee). Residente is a legal status, and remember my comment about Mexican law (it could change any old time). I’m not engaging in the favorite expat argument about whether we’re “visitors” or “residents” or “guests.” Whatever you want to call expats here, we can enjoy the culture and be welcomed into it, but we are not “of” it and never will be. It is a fact worth keeping in mind.
  • Some people claim to have come to Mexico to escape NOB politics; this may be true in a general sense, but I have yet to meet anyone who specifically said “if so-and-so is President, I will move to Mexico” and then done it. There is normally something else involved, and the political part is making a virtue signal out of necessity. That said, it used to be (I am told) that NOB politics rarely raised its ugly head here, but now it is much more common. Not overwhelmingly like it is NOB, but still enough to make things uncomfortable at times. Based on nothing more than opinions I have heard, expats lakeside used to be very liberal and/or libertarian, but now there is a growing number of more traditional and conservative types (I’m in the latter groups: forgive me for I have sinned). One liberal friend told me she didn’t know any conservatives locally; I re-introduced myself (much to her chagrin). My wife likes to say “you never notice us because we’re just quieter.” It’s a good thing to be politically active, to defend your ideas and support your candidate, party, or ideology back home. Just don’t be a bore. I guess I agree with the old-timers who say “if you want to be like that, stay NOB; you’ll have lots of company.”
  • One thing you’ll notice a lot of here at lakeside, especially during snowbird season (November-April) is Canadians/Canadiennes. Most Americans only occasionally run into people from Canada (my daughter, when young, insisted it should be called Canadia), unless you are from a border state. Down here, a significant portion of the seasonal expats are from Canada; I would estimate about forty percent. So you’ll get a chance to mingle with two different groups/cultures: Mexican and Canadian!
  • The reason so many Canadian expats are snowbirds is due to the peculiarities of Canada’s Health Care System, which is Provincial, and which I’m told requires some time in Canada every year. For the rest of us, it is good to know that lakeside has a surfeit of clinics, labs, and even hospitals, while Guadalajara (under an hour away) is Mexico’s center for medical training. It is easy to find a well-trained and credentialed English-speaking doctor, with a full range of services in support. Prices are much less than in the States (almost anywhere is cheaper than the States), but costs are rising as local Mexican health providers determine what price gringos will pay for health care. There is nothing unethical or sinister about that: you’re getting an excellent service customized (language, etc.) to your needs, and you can afford to pay more for it. Free Mexican health care is available and is worth the price you pay (read that twice). Take care with groups offering to bill Medicare or US health care providers back in the States: while there is some interest in the US Congress to authorize a pilot project to permit such coverage, it remains illegal as of now. There are big differences in how Mexican health care functions: what nurses do and how they are trained (more basic in my opinion), who can share health care data (my wife and I do all our visits jointly, and we own our records), and the need to pay before you leave the hospital (or you don’t get to leave). Continuing health problems remain the number one reason expats eventually return NOB.
  • Property and liability insurance are available just like NOB. All insurance decisions are matters of personal risk, but be aware that what is covered and how it is covered may be different here. Some expat home owners do not have property or liability insurance. Why not? For one a casa of brick and concrete is not going to burn down, and we haven’t had a significant earthquake since the nineteenth century. Another reason is Mexicans don’t rush to sue (remember the legal system?), which is also why property owners who have claims denied by insurance companies have a difficult time taking it to the courts. Yes, you must have automobile insurance, but after that it’s up to you and your personal views on risk. If you choose to get insurance, have a long talk with your agent about what is covered, what it takes to file a claim, and what are all the exceptions.
  • That property you may/may not insure is a key factor in whether you stay as an expat or return home. Everyone agrees that renting to experience different neighborhoods and home styles is the right way to go. We and some of our friends bought right away, but I provide this warning: trained professional on a closed course; do not try this on your own! There are simple choices you have to make about indoor/outdoor living, numbers of visitors/bedrooms, whether to walk or have a car/where to park it, whether it feels too hot or too cold TO YOU, western-exposed windows, garden/pet space, even colors vs. heat retention. You’re unlikely to get it all correct in the first try, so take your time.
  • Choosing a neighborhood is a fine art. Some expats head directly for gated communities called condominios. They offer better security, some rules (quiet hours, tree heights) and amenities (club houses, pools, gardening of common areas, parking), some cost-sharing and dues. Other expats, especially old-timers, deride condominios as NOB living, shorn of any contact with real Mexicans. Yet the two condominos we have lived in had as many Mexican owners as gringos. Living in the villages is an authentic expat experience, complete with cohetes, dogs, roosters, cattle, and the family next door who decides to open an evento (party-place) on weekends. Living in the village is less expensive and still nice, the condominios more comfortable to newcomers. The important thing is to know what you like before you settle in.
  • Some lakeside expats appear to treat trips to Guadalajara like adventures to a distant, confusing place, and try to avoid it. Or they just go to the Costco, Home Depot, or a mall (yes, they have many). I suggest visiting regularly, as Mexico’s Second City has so much to offer: museums, sports (futbol, beisbol, and baloncesto), a very nice zoo, theaters and opera and plays and restaurants! Ask friends for suggestions, get a place to stay and investigate the city; it will be rewarding.
  • What goes for Guadalajara goes for all of Jalisco. It’s the home of Tequila in the eponymous village, mariachi music, guachimontones (conical pyramids) and Charrería (Mexican rodeo). Jalisco is to Mexico as Texas is the United States. Jalisco is the more conservative, more Catholic heart of Mexico, with more liberal, more cosmopolitan Guadalajara as its urban center (think Austin). The things people think of as quintessentially Mexican are de Jalisco. Heck, the state’s tourism motto is “Jalisco es Mexico!”
  • One major difference from NOB is the police (Policia). Like up north, there are several types: municipal police, traffic police, state police, federal police, and the new Guardia Nacional. Again like up north, they have different authorities and jurisdictions. Pay is a major impediment to professionalism: the average monthly salary for a police officer in Mexico is $20,000 MXP, or about $500 USD! Some make half that. Equipment and training are spotty. There is the constant threat of drug traffickers and other criminals corrupting police either through graft or threats: “plato o plomo“, that is silver (graft) or lead (a bullet). Is it any wonder police look to petty corruption by requesting bribes for minor traffic violations? Some locals and expats swear by refusing to give a bribe, arguing it prolongs the corruption and the police will generally give in in the end. Others relate tales of cars being towed or a few hundred pesos “solving” the problem. How you choose to deal with it is up to you. For starters, don’t drive a car with foreign plates, do get a Mexican driver’s license, and learn the unique rules of the road. Many of the stories of these run-ins with police begin with not wearing a seat-belt, talking on a cell phone, having expired tags, making an illegal left turn, etc. Know what not to do and avoid the problem.
  • Driving need not be a nightmare. Download the Waze (pronounced Wayze in English, Wah-zay in Spanish), which marries Google maps with real time traffic/police/pothole alerts. We have navigated through backstreets and around gridlock like locals using it. Trust the Waze! Drive slower than normal, as anything can and will happen on the carretera: people and things falling out of trucks, cattle in the highway, topes (speed-bumps) without warning signs or warning signs without topes, scooters passing on any side, pedestrians scurrying across major highways (what do you think all those roadside shrines are for?), five lanes in the space marked for three, even cars coming slowly the wrong way! You name it, we’ve seen it in Mexico. Mexico uses fewer manned police speed-traps, but does make use of speed cameras which (in Jalisco) must have a warning sign placed before the camera. So there are many such signs, with fewer cameras, and one quickly learns where you need to slow down, as the cameras don’t move around very often. So yield and go with the flow, and don’t be in a hurry. And remember, if anyone is seriously hurt in a traffic accident, all the drivers involved are going first to jail until the policia determine who is at fault. So settle on the spot if you can, know the name and number of your insurance agent, and be careful out there.
  • How have I gotten this far and not mentioned Lago de Chapala, the lake itself? It’s beautiful and is responsible for our microclimate. Expats get into an annual argument about how clean/dirty it is. Someone drags out an environmental group’s analysis claiming it’s so polluted it’s a crime against humanity. Someone else pulls out testing data showing it’s no more polluted than most (beaches/lakes) in (California/New York). Like most things, the truth is somewhere in between. Here’s the thing: the lake is the main source of drinking water for the millions of people in Guadalajara. Yes, the water gets processed along the way, but if it was that bad to start with, there would be plenty of seriously sick people in Guad (yes, gringos call it that). Mexican sewer systems have never been designed to withstand the deluges of the rainy season, so during that season, overflow goes straight into the lake. And that means near the towns and villages there are higher, temporary concentrations of coliform bacteria (the kind that make you sick) during the rainy season. Locals know when to go in the water (they fish in it, etc.) and when not. There are marinas with sail boats, some jet-skis, and an expat kayak club. Some people avoid the water because of abandoned fences, poles, etc. that lurk under the waves; caution is advised.
  • In addition to the healthy climate, we have abundant, healthy fresh foods options. A friend warned me–at the start of the pandemic–that borders might be shut and food become scarce. I responded that we’re the place that sends food elsewhere, so we’ll have plenty to eat if we can’t export it! Yes, you need to wash your fruits & vegetables from the market, although some expats say they never have. And yes, sometimes a fresh salad will give you some, shall we say, digestive discomfort. But in general, you can get really fresh meat, cheese, fruits, vegetables, and of course, tortillas for very good prices (by any standard).
  • Speaking of food, lakeside is a veritable Epcot Center of choices. Ok, maybe a bad comparison. How about the world’s largest food court? Still not right. Suffice it to say we have an incredible number of restaurants focused on expats, and you can find almost any type of cuisine. The cautions? We have only a few amazing, high-end places. Restaurants change hours, staffs, and locations all the time. This means the restaurant that was nearby and great last month may be down this month and better again but far-away two months from now. It’s a very variable food environment, but you can get everything from pizza to sushi to BBQ to burgers to Indian to Chinese to German/French/Italian to Argentine. Even Mexican!
  • Expats are quite involved in the local community beyond eating out at restaurants every day. There are many clubs and too many charitable groups to name, but I know there is one that will float your boat. Get involved. Mexicans view the family as the source of charity, and that leaves many gaps, so this is a welcome way expats can bring a positive aspect of NOB culture with them.
  • All those charitable groups doesn’t stop there from being many people looking for donations on the street. Begging in Mexico isn’t looked down on in the way I felt it was NOB: it’s just viewed here as a fact of life. Beggars in general are not aggressive, and there is no need to fear them. Some people hang out in public places to help you back out of a parking place, or to cross the street. Others stand at topes (where traffic slows) or outside of grocery stores, selling candies or hand-made trinkets. Feel free to buy from them, give to them, or just greet them, but not judge them, por favor!
  • Likewise, you’ll see many street dogs or roof dogs. The latter are a form of security, as Mexicans (mostly) view dogs as working animals, not pets. The former may or may not be on their own–some locals let their dogs wander during the day. Which leads to all the dog carcasses one sees on the carretera to Guadalajara. There are very active dog (and other pet) shelters run by expats; they even export dogs to the States! But dog-lovers may find the Mexican approach to dogs (and its results) challenging.
  • That carretera to Guadalajara runs past our international airport, which is between lakeside and Guad and only thirty minutes away (if you drive like the proverbial bat-outta-hell). It’s officially Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla Aeropuerto Internacional, but GDL for short. You can catch non-stops to hubs at Dallas (American), Houston (United), and Atlanta (Delta), along with others to Los Angeles and Chicago. GDL is a small airport, albeit Mexico’s largest for freight. It is due for a major renovation and expansion in the next few years. As a tip, there is a secure parking lot at the airport, and other park-n-ride options near it: we used both many times with no issues.
The Goat Sucker: A Very bad Neighbor!
  • Speaking of issues, one which always surprises new expats is noise. Mexico is a noisy country. As I write this, I’m being serenaded by gardeners employing the country’s favorite musical instrument: the leaf blower. Here it is known just as the blower, because it is used for all forms of blowing: leaves, clothes, trash, insects, animals, other blowers, or just because. Mexicans love to set off fireworks (cohetes) for any reason. Lakeside retains small farms and indigenous properties where animals live side-by-side with their owners, in the village. You’ll hear dogs (of course), roosters, birds, cows, horses and the occasional chupacabra (Ok, I made the last one up . . . I think). Locals celebrate with long and loud parties (fiestas) that may be held at an evento or at home, complete with bands and dancing and singing to the wee hours. Even Mother’s Day has a tradition here of serenading Mom by having a band play songs under her window . . .at the crack of dawn. There are laws about noise, but they are more honored in the breach. Either get used to it, buy earplugs, or get invited and join in. All three work equally well.
  • Finally, speaking of holidays and fiestas, here’s a tip: get a calendar, one with all the Mexican federal holidays AND all the Saints’ days. “Why?” you ask. Mexicans take their holidays seriously and they celebrate all the federal holidays, Catholic holidays, and local Saint’s days (for example, the parish’s patron Saint). If you don’t know what they are, you’ll always be the one asking “what was with all the cohetes last night?” or “where did all the traffic come from?” or “why is the street closed?” Here’s a pro-tip: for the Catholic holidays, Mexicans often practice a novena, which is supposed to be nine days of prayer and fasting leading up the the celebration of the Saint. In Mexico it has become nine days of fireworks, or bands, or whatever leading up to the Saint’s day. So also know the names of local parishes and plot the novena out on your calendar. For example, San Andrés is Ajijic’s main parish, and his feast is November 3oth. The national (Mexican) feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe is December 12th. Christmas (La Navidad) is December 25th, and Three Kings’ Day (Tres Reyes, when presents arrive in Mexico) is January 6th. Plot that out on your calendar, and you’ll soon realize there are non-stop parties (and many business closures) from American Thanksgiving through the end of the NFL regular season (to use secular America holidays as an example). Consider yourself warned!

I hope you enjoyed reading this stream-of-consciousness review as much as I did writing it. As always, there are way more details hidden away in blog posts and through authoritative websites. But I hope this gives you a flavor of expat life–if you’re just considering it–or eases your arrival if you’ve already made the jump.

A visit to the Doctor(s)

Healthcare is probably concern number one to most expats; here’s the rather mundane story of out latest healthcare experience.

Judy started experiencing knee pain recently: actually, pain in the back of her knee, what we called her “knee-pit.” It seemed to be aggravated by exercise (how convenient!) or a lot of walking, so she cut back on those, did intermittent ice and heat, elevated it, and took over-the-counter (OTC) pain relievers for swelling and pain relief. Sometimes these standard remedies worked, other times they didn’t. Judy did the smart thing: she set a date certain, indicating if the symptoms didn’t go away by then, she was going to contact our doctora. During our recent mini-vacation in Manzanillo, we tried walking back-and-forth in the pool, the kind of low impact activity which should have helped; it didn’t.

So Judy contacted our primary care physician on WhatsApp. It’s a messaging app very popular around the world, except in the US. Individuals, businesses, even doctors give you their WhatApp number, which is just their cell phone number, and you can contact them directly to message or chat. It’s free and very convenient. Our doctora responded quickly that there was no need to come see her; she arranged us an appointment with a local specialist (again on WhatsApp) and we could go straight to see the orthopedista. Cost? Nada.

The orthopedista began the session by asking whether we preferred ingles or español; given this was a medical issue, we decided to stay with our mother tongue to be both clear and understood. He flawlessly changed to English and completed a brief history, then did a physical examination. He quickly identified where and when the pain happened in Judy’s knee; her sudden scream when he slightly twisted it was a dead giveaway! He told us the symptoms were indicative of a meniscus tear, which often will only be fixed by laparoscopic surgery, but the location was odd: it’s not where meniscus should tear. So he ordered up an MRI for further review. Cost for the consult: $1040 MXP or $50 USD.

Wait, wait, I know this one! It’s a knee!

Off we went to the MRI clinic (cost $6000 MXP or $300 USD) and got the results back (in Mexico in many cases, patients retain their own medical records, not the doctor or hospital, although a copy was sent to the orthopedista). The MRI technician gave us a large portfolio with a one written page of results, several panels of still shots from the MRI, and a disk with all the rest of the MRI shots on it. The written results indicated normal meniscus wear-n-tear, but also added there was a jug-handle tear (which would almost automatically indicate laparoscopic surgery). We could read and understand the Spanish diagnosis, but of course the MRI pics meant nothing to us. So we went back to our orthpedista with the results, expecting to schedule surgery.

Our orthopedista looked puzzled, read the text, then pulled out the pictures. He said there is no tear in the images, despite the text. He then loaded the disc up on his computer to investigate further. We waited, and then he resumed explaining to us that nowhere in any of the images is a jug-handle tear, so he wouldn’t know what to cut if he scheduled surgery, nor did he know why the written results did not agree with the images. He examined Judy’s knee again (very carefully this time, to avoid a repeat yodeling contest). He told me the fact that the back of her knee hurt, and only at a point in rotation, and more so with twisting, was “weird.” I concurred. Cost for this consult: $1000 MXP or $50 USD.

He prescribed an anti-inflammatory and scheduled an ultrasound in Guadalajara with a specialist he knew well and trusted. While an MRI is great for looking at harder objects (think bones), ultrasound ignores them and shows softer tissue (like ligaments and tendons). The orthopedista said this would be a final check on the issue of a meniscus tear, while clarifying if ligaments or tendons were involved.

So we tramped up to Guad for an ultrasound (cost: $1500 MXP or $75 USD). During the exam, the specialist told us (in English, which he apologized for in perfect accent and vocabulary) that Judy’s knee meniscus was fine. He spent some time looking at the back of her knee via the ultrasound, and concluded she had tendinitis in the popiletus, a tendon at the back which gives the knee stability. He sent the results to our orthopedista and we prepared for another consult.

Our final trip to the doctor was short and sweet. Judy’s course of prescription anti-inflammatory medication was working wonders: no pain for several days. The orthopedista told us he concurred with the specialist: tendinitis, requiring only more anti-inflammatory medicine, rest and recovery. Judy could start slowly to exercise in two weeks, and come back if the pain returned. (cost of consult: $520 MXP or $26 USD).

Total cost for an MRI, an ultrasound, and three visits to the orthopedista: $9540 MXP or $ 475 USD. We may never know why the first MRI specialist indicated a jug-handle tear, but the mistake was caught and fixed. We were quite pleased the orthopedista, who specializes in laparoscopic surgery, did not rush to cut, but rather kept saying he “would not cut unless he knew precisely what he would find there.” Overall, a positive experience at a very reasonable price.

Mexico is Changing

Mexico is always changing, just like everywhere else. The changes here in Mexico seem to be ones which would be most evident to expats, and they involve some of the quintessential things that make Mexico, well, Mexican. And therein lies a story.

Ask people who have visited extensively (or expats who live here) what qualities about Mexico are unique, and you’ll quickly find some common themes: the friendliness of the people, the slower pace of life, or the incompetence of the bureaucracy, for example. And in most of these areas, change is afoot.

Take friendliness. Mexicans as a rule remain eager to help and often greet you on the street, regardless of whether they know you or not. Except in big cities like Ciudad de Mexico and Guadalajara. There, you might greet neighbors you know, but if you start “buenos dias“-ing every passerby, you’ll get a mix of responses from greetings to odd looks to being ignored. The larger cities have imported some of the the urban mindset from elsewhere, where you just can’t talk to strangers.

Put on top of that the curse that is the cell phone. Mexicans have taken to their cell phones wholeheartedly, and it’s not unusual to surprise people–even in small towns–by greeting them when they are walking, face-down in their phones. They will startle and still respond, but clearly cell phones are winning the battle for eye-balls.

The slower pace of life is experiencing some acceleration, too. Over the last thirty years, Mexico has developed a sizable middle class, and with it, widespread automobile ownership. Which means traffic, and the delays that come with it. Now Mexicans normally aren’t in a hurry to be on-time, but that’s changing, so when some hit a traffic snarl, they start driving around it in, shall we say, innovative ways. Like creating extra lanes where there are none. Or ignoring traffic lights or turn lanes or even traffic barriers. Some of that is a carry-over from Mexico’s fundamental lack of concern for laws which appear arbitrary (“I only need to go one block the wrong way down this one-way street to get where I want to go.”). But some is an attempt to hurry-up, which is something new.

Finally, many expats comment about changes in taxes and regulations, with the main theme being more enforcement. Many of the small mom-and-pop vendors in Mexico (which can mean nearly every family) operate on a cash-only basis and avoid taxes and regulation. The federal government is gradually tightening its control of money flows, so as to capture the lost tax revenue. There is an growing web of identification which ties people and their income to the taxes they owe. For many larger or recurring transactions, you need a CURP number (Clave Única de Registro de Población), in effect a Mexican Social Security Number. Once you have that, you may also need an RFC (Registro Federal de Contribuyentes) code or clave, a personal/unique tax identification number. We’ve noticed an increase in information required to directly transfer money to Mexican accounts (for example, to pay for our recent home renovations) that have come from Mexican banks, responding to Mexican government directions. Over time, this results in fewer off-the-books transactions and more revenue to the federal government.

Likewise, expats speak of less flexibility in border crossing and immigration enforcement. For a long time, some expats came to Mexico on the automatic 180-day visitor’s visa and simply stayed. They never left the country, never became a temporary or permanent resident, which requires a payment and has financial eligibility requirements. Later, expats with more means came and went every 179 days, in effect renewing their status and avoiding the costs of legal residency. Mexican immigration officials (INM) have started random checks on mass transit hubs (like big city bus stations), arresting and sometimes even deporting those long-time overstays. And border officials sometimes now ask for a departure date (e.g., return flight?) and only renew another visitor’s visa for a set length of time, much less that 180 days. Deportation remains rare; most overstays are offered the opportunity to legalize their status, but again that requires dinero.

As hard as these changes to the bureaucracy are for expats who arrived in the wild west days of yore, they are part and parcel of Mexico becoming a more efficient country. That means making and neutrally enforcing laws, taking control of its borders, collecting tax revenue and distributing it effectively. It won’t be quick, and it surely isn’t painless, but it is necessary.

Most Mexicans will continue to greet and respond to greetings. Most will kindly let you cut in line in heavy traffic. I firmly believe that even after all these changes work out, Mexico will remain Mexico. After all, it will always be full of Mexicans!

Buying & Selling Homes in Mexico: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Three very important things to remember up front:

First, stop me if you’ve heard this before, but Mexican law–like the Pirate Code–is more what you’d call guidelines than actual rules. Most people know that criminal proceedings in Mexico are, shall we say, challenging; the civil code even moreso. Whereas North of the Border (NOB) the threat to sue someone can be serious, down here it’s an invitation to an endless parade of hearings and charges and counter-charges and oh, nevermind. The lack of a recourse to legal remedies is something you have to understand before owning property here.

Second, real estate is a growing business, but not a profession in Mexico. There is a realtor association (AMPI) pursuing professional standards of conduct. But there are no federal laws, and only some Mexican states have licensing requirements (ours, Jalisco, does not). So anybody can hang up a shingle and be your agent. Because it is not capital intensive and with little barrier to entry, we have met chefs and restaurateurs and waiters and retired expats and doctors and cabbies and others who are real estate agents.

Third, always remember that things in Mexico happen in three speeds: slow, slower, and slowest. Buying and selling property in Mexico means engaging notarios (who review and effectively “approve”the transaction), banks, real estate firms, home owners associations, utilities, maids, and gardeners, all for the purpose of establishing (1) you are who you say you are, (2) you own what you think you own, and (3) no one else has any claim on said property. All this in a land where cash is king, records are spotty, and the pirate code applies! Add in international money transfers and Mexican holidays and things will be all set mañana.

I just watched a Director’s cut of Sergio Leone’s “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” so that’s the theme from here on out:

Amazon.com: The Good The Bad And The Ugly Clint Eastwood 1966 Photo Print  (28 x 22): Posters & Prints
The Good, . . .

In the end, we sold our house for a fair price and bought the house we wanted for another fair price. Given that we started out by falling in love with the new house (a REALLY, REALLY bad idea), this is what it is all about. Of course, that’s like saying eating at a restaurant is all about consuming edible food containing sufficient calories at a decent price. True, but there’s the menu variety, the service, the presentation and so forth. When we’re talking about the largest financial transaction most people ever make, you want to say more than “phew, glad we survived that!” The other good thing was that the buyers of our home and the seller of our new home were pleasant people; it is always a pleasure dealing with reasonable people! But that leads us to:

THE GOOD BAD AND & UGLY LEE VAN CLEEF ANGEL EYES SPAGHETTI WESTERN PHOTO  POSTER | eBay
The Bad, . . .

Many of the things under “The Bad” are structural. Without the possibility of a mortgage, we had to move money around in order to have it ready and waiting for the purchase. Getting no debt statements from the power (CFE), phone (TelMex), and water (Simapa) utilities was pretty easy. But some of these you pay in advance, and others in arrears, so that’s complicating. Then we needed to have our maid and gardener sign statements saying they had no claims on the property, and we needed a copy of their identification cards. As well as statements from the home owners association and the club and our receipt for annual property taxes paid.

At least we didn’t face two other potential “bad” aspects: currency conversion and title problems. The former happens if the other party in the transaction is a local national, since the actual transaction is completed in pesos at the moment of closing. If both parties agree to pricing in dollars, this peso conversion is irrelevant. If the deal is actually completed in pesos (per the Pirate Code), then one side has to convert them back to dollars, which could mean a substantial gain or loss depending on the currency markets (because you’re dealing with large sums, even a small change can mean big money).

The latter (titles) is a big potential problem here, as there are federal land use laws that could block one’s claim to ownership! As I understand it, the notario is responsible for authenticating the documents in the closing sale, but if the title is authentic but invalid, sorry, you lose. Buying property in an established development lessens the risk, as the title issues have probably been worked out, but it pays to do the research yourself. And finally:

GOOD BAD UGLY TUCO TAKES BLONDIE TO THE DESERT | Mapio.net
and The Ugly

These go back to my restaurant analogy: mostly things annoying or head-scratchingly dumb. The waiter spills water on you. Gets the drink order wrong. The appetizer comes with the main course. Your wine glass is dirty. You get the picture: not earth-shattering, but would you eat there again? Not if it’s a high end restaurant.

We had a long list here. An agent asked us to donate the beds in our new house to the cleaning team because “they fell in love with them.” Clauses we wanted in agreements failed to appear, not due to negotiation, they just weren’t there. Other terms–like a rent-back agreement–were similarly misplaced. Names misspelled, documents and data requested but already provided. A counter-offer that failed to mention the original terms, which thus became a “new” offer. An agent telling a client “if you decide not to go through with (buying and) moving here, I want you to promise me now that you will simply re-list the house for sale with me.” A threat to limit access to our new house before closing. A buyer’s agent who blithely commented “if anything minor comes up, I’m sure they (the sellers, us) will take care of it.” All of which just reinforces the point that real estate is a relatively unregulated market in Mexico, so you might encounter some pretty odd behaviors. We were pleased with our agent, but one must be diligent in selecting one.

All’s well that ends well, as Shakespeare penned! Here’s the money shot:

Yes, that’s our terraza!

Moving Daze

Some pics to fill the time while moving fills the days:

This is my unhappy dog, Tucker, going fetal because of all the psychic dislocation
Organizing principal: rojo es no va
I told you Tucker was unhappy
Still life with boxes
Has anybody seen the toaster oven?
Was it worth it? Priceless!

Money . . . Get Back!

A challenge for expats anywhere is how to access your funds. This is especially true in most of Mexico, where credit cards may not be accepted or come with a handy processing fee (the same fee usually paid by the vendor elsewhere) tacked on. Luckily for expats, Mexico does have many cajeros automaticos, or as you know them: ATMs.

Expats become accustomed to knowing (and sharing) advice about banks and their ATM machines: for example, which ones have both ingles and espanol options, which banks charge what as a transaction fee, what the various per day and per transaction limits are, which machines “swallow” your card whole versus holding it where you can retrieve it manually (important where power might suddenly fail).

Lately, expats have had to master the bank-managed “service fee” scam called dynamic currency conversion. This is where the bank machine “offers” you to convert your peso request to dollars at the point of conversion (how helpful) but gives you an incredibly poor exchange rate. The trick is the “offer” seems to be like the transactions fee, in that it says you can accept or decline, but most people assume that if they decline they won’t be able to get their pesos (like the transaction fee, which if you decline, the machine ends your transaction). Untrue! If you decline, you still receive your pesos, but the bank or financial institution you use at home does the conversion, usually at a much better rate. This service has been a standard rip-off among restaurants and retailers in Europe for years, but it has recently migrated to ATMs worldwide: avoid it! I would note that if your domestic bank has a really bad reputation for its currency conversion rates, you might be better off using the ATM conversion rate. But you probably would be best off changing banks!

Some expats go the extra step by getting a Mexican bank account and credit cards, allowing them to transfer money from their previous home to here. Mexican banks are, shall we say, picky. Sometimes just opening an account can involve some of that famous Mexican bureaucracy, such as “no, that’s a color copy, we don’t accept it” or “(today) we’re not opening accounts for gringos.” Oh, and writing checks? Every item must be letter perfect, including your full name and day/month/year (not month/day/year) and the spelled-out sum in español, por favor. Oh, and most importantly, such accounts are not federally insured, so there is always the possibility your money could just disappear.

Not all of this is Mexican banks’ fault: Americans should know that the US government applies its own rules to foreign banks, making them responsible for various reporting requirements! Some banks and brokerages–even American ones–now shun American expat accounts as not worth the trouble. If you’re an American expat, you must report foreign financial accounts if (1) you have signature authority on the account and (2) if the aggregate value of all your foreign accounts exceeds $10,000 USD at any time during the year (there are exceptions). The important document to file is called a Report of Foreign Bank and Financial Accounts (FBAR) on FinCEN Form 114. It is only a report: it is not used to check whether you owe taxes, which of course you must pay on any income received via these accounts. And don’t try to get cute by intentionally hedging just below the $10,000 USD limit; one recent court case found such activity to also be against the law! You can see why some American expats never bother with foreign accounts.

What about the need for larger sums that would never be available via ATM, like to buy a car, furniture, or a down payment on a house? There are a growing number of options. Our American bank allows us to do a direct wire transfer to foreign recipients for around $50 USD ($25 for any wire transfer, an additional $25 for international recipients). If the transfer is not going to a financial institution–for example to a private individual–the bank sends us several warnings letting us know it can’t verify the recipient and it is not responsible once the money goes out, which just means we have to make sure we have the account info correct on our end.

We’ve also used Xoom (pronounced the same way as the videoconferencing service), a division of PayPal which facilitates international financial transfers. We’ve used Xoom to pay for some services like home repair or contracting. Most often we have not been charged a transaction fee, and the exchange rates have generally been good. There is a transaction fee if you’re using a credit card, not a bank account as the source. It takes a little time (and info) to add a new recipient, but once “in the system” the transactions are immediate (hours, not days). One extra (and very nice) feature is Xoom allows you to request confirmations (text or otherwise) for both the sender and recipient, so you get a running series of money sent/received notices. Also, if the transfer fails for any reason, Xoom will notify you of that, too. I know there are other international transfer services with similar features, but Xoom is one for which we can personally vouch.

Some brokerage accounts (like Charles Schwab) also allow international transfers without extra charges, so that is another way to have money secure in one place but still be able to move it where you need it. There are exceptions, so make sure you read the fine print!

Finally, a related issue with financial transfers (of any sort) could be the need for notarization. I knew of expat friends who were forced to fly back to the States to get notarization of financial documents. We recently had a similar situation, and discovered online notaries who could meet all our requirements for about $30 USD and ten minutes of online consultation!

Some expats get all wrapped up in exchange rates and trying to game when they transfer larger sums to gain an advantage. Sometimes this is because they are on a budget and a few pesos matter; sometimes it’s just the thrill of getting a deal. In any event, there are myriad ways to move money internationally these days, and more coming along every day. While having money is a key factor in being an expat, getting your money shouldn’t be.

A Mexican Driver’s License Test

Having recently prepared for this test, even though I was never asked to take it when renewing my licensia, I decided to make a helpful practice test so you can play along at home. Make sure to keep track of whether you guessed the legal or real answers. Enjoy!

This sign indicates:

  1. Don’t go there
  2. Don’t even think of going there
  3. 🎵 Don’t stop, believing 🎵
  4. Don’t stop

The legal answer, and the real answer, is (4).

If you see this sign, you should:

  1. Drive no more than 110 miles per hour
  2. Drive no more than 68 miles per hour
  3. Wonder what the difference between kilometers and miles is
  4. Ignore it like everybody else on the road.

The legal answer is (2), the real answer is (4), but let’s face it, you’ll probably do (3).

You stop to let a pedestrian cross the road; he does this toward you. It means:

  1. “¡Muchas Gracias!”
  2. “Talk to the mano, gringo.”
  3. “What’s the modal finger?”
  4. “If I only had my gun!”

There is no legal answer, but the real answer is (1).

The car in front of you has its left turn signal on. It means:

  1. The driver will turn left
  2. The driver is indicating it is clear for you to pass on the left
  3. The driver is a gringo who turned his signal on in 2019
  4. The car only has one working light bulb

Both (1) and (2) are legally correct, but (3) and (4) are also real. Best to ignore the blinking left signal in all cases!

In Mexico, this is:

  1. Likely to occur on any highway
  2. Why you don’t drive at night
  3. Not going to happen where the sign says
  4. All the above

You already know it’s (4).

You come upon this sign. It indicates:

  1. You are approaching a roundabout
  2. You can’t get there from here
  3. We are all part of the circle of life
  4. You do you.

The legal answer is (1), but all answers are equally real.

If the first image means “right turn” and the second image means “left turn,” the third image means:

  1. 🎵All my friends know the low rider 🎵
  2. Slowing down or stopping
  3. Left turn but my arm got tired
  4. Look, I can drive with one hand

Legally, (2), but quien sabe?

If you see this sign, you should:

  1. Slow down because there are topes ahead
  2. Slow down because once upon a time there were topes ahead
  3. Slow down because the road has a ditch in it
  4. Slow down for the topless beach

The legal answer is (1), but for God’s sake, just slow down!

This sign indicates:

  1. You are now entering El Paso
  2. Yield
  3. You’re not in Kansas anymore
  4. You took a wrong turn in Albuquerque

(2) is the legal answer; (3) & (4) may also be real.

What does this symbol indicate?

  1. No hat zone
  2. Sombrero only zone
  3. Inspection site ahead
  4. Can you say mordita? Sure, I knew you could.

The legal answer is (3). ‘Nuff said.

In Mexico, this is:

  1. Exemplary helmet-wearing
  2. HOV-4 compliant
  3. Cheaper than a minivan
  4. Everyday, everywhere

Who knows, legally? All four are real!

If you see this view in Mexico, you should:

  1. Look for the hidden tope
  2. Have gassed up earlier
  3. Watch out for cows disguised as tumbleweeds
  4. Check for the motorbike about to pass you on the right

Only (3) is wrong. Mexican cows don’t bother with camouflage.

The cross street you are approaching is ______; you should ______:

  1. One way to the right; turn right only
  2. One way to the right; turn right if that is where you want to go
  3. real; stop and ask for directions
  4. whatever; do you

The legal answer is (1). (2) is a real answer. (4) is always correct. (3) is a trick: you never, never, NEVER ask directions in Mexico. Mexicans want to be helpful. They will offer directions even if (1) they don’t understand you, (2) they don’t know where you want to go, or (3) they don’t know where the destination is.

This shows:

  1. Room for more riders
  2. Mexico invented ride-sharing
  3. Sear belts are theoretically required
  4. Nothing to see here

Probably (2), and long before smart phones!

How did you do? If you tried to keep score, you have already failed! In Mexico, scores are arbitrary and you have missed the point. If you guessed (most of) the real answers, consider yourself ready to drive here.

“Licenses? We ain’t got no licenses. We don’t need no stinkin’ licenses!”

Passing a final test

As we’ve now lived here more than four years (how time flies under a facemask!), Judy and I have experienced most of the peculiarities of expat life in Mexico. And by peculiarities, I mean those little distractions, annoyances, or absurdities that make you go “what the . . . ” before shrugging your shoulders and finishing the thought with “solo en México” (only in Mexico).

There was the driver’s test–on computer–wherein it didn’t matter how we answered, we still passed. The time that we got a red light at customs and got to unpack our entire luggage, one item at a time, and explain what it is and why we have it, which of course coincided with my wife importing a year’s supply of make-up. The time the government refused to reimburse the temporary importation visa for my US car, and wanted me to prove I still had the car in the US, when it had never entered Mexico.

As you may have noticed, these events all involve government bureaucracy. Now, we have had many good stories to tell about visas approved, licenses renewed, taxes paid. But those stories are boring; the fun ones involve the trouble. So many went smoothly, some went poorly . . . and then there was SIMAPA.

SIMAPA stands for the Sistema Municipal de Agua Potable y Alcantarillado (de Chapala), that is the municipal water and sanitation authority. And in my opinion, they are the gold medalist in the bureaucratic olympiad. Before I explain why, it is fair to note that water has a history in Mexico, and that history plays a part. Being an arid country, water has always been a scarce resource. Those who had access to water often used it to control the poor, to seek advantage over rivals, or simply to lord it over those without access.

So as Mexico went through its various wars of independence and revolution, access to water came to be seen by the people as a fundamental right: and so it is, in the Mexican constitution. It is so fundamental that access to water cannot be totally shut off even if the recipient does not pay for it. Water bills are sometimes paid collectively by a home-owners association, and talk to any HOA board and you’ll find stories of owners who haven’t paid water dues for years. You can reduce the flow to some small amount, but you can’t shut it off; and that goes for the government, as well.

Likewise for sewage. If you’re hooked into municipal sewer lines, there’s an initial fee for accessing, and a yearly fee. But here’s the rub: there’s no way to shut the sewage flow off. So again, non-payment is a problem.

Our condominio (roughly, our development) has its own well, so we don’t use SIMAPA for fresh water. But we are hooked up to the municipal sewer lines. Our house was built in 2012, and round about late 2019 our condominio received notice from SIMAPA that, “hey, y’all are hooked up to the sewer lines, but you haven’t paid anything, so please do so.” My wife dutifully took a copy of the e-mail down to the local SIMAPA office, where she explained (in Spanish) that we needed to pay. The ladies working there looked at the e-mail (in English), looked at our address, then explained we didn’t have an account, so we could not pay. At that, they went back to their busy desks. One might assume a municipal authority would be interested in receiving seven years of back payments; one would be wrong (in Mexico).

Time passed and the quarantine hit, and since our sewage kept flowing away, we sort of forgot all about it. Finally we talked with a neighbor who reminded us we were supposed to go to the SIMAPA office and ask to “start an account.” The magic words (in Spanish) were not “pay a bill” but “start an account” and we needed a copy of our identification papers and a copy of our deed. We collected the pesos (in cash, naturally) and all the documents and copies and went back to SIMAPA.

Round Two began as a replay of Round One. We said we needed to start an account, but the SIMAPA ladies checked their online records and assured us we didn’t have an account. Yes, we knew that, but we produced our documentation and they threw up their hands and called the supervisor, who spoke English–up to that point, we had engaged in Spanish. The supervisor reviewed our deed copy and explained it was not an official copy, so we would have to return with an official copy in order to start an account. One might assume a municipal authority would be more interested in collecting now nine years of back payments, and was there really a problem in Mexico with people showing up to fraudulently pay OTHER PEOPLE’S DELINQUENT SEWAGE BILLS? One would be mistaken.

Weeks later, we collected an official deed copy, the pesos, copies of every bill and identification we could muster, extra copies of all these, and went back to SIMAPA for Round Three. We entered the office and cheerfully greeted the SIMAPA ladies; Judy even complimented one woman on her embroidered blouse (smiles all around). We explained that we did not have an account, but we needed to start one and pay our arrears. The SIMAPA ladies quickly checked online and confirmed we did not have an account (*sigh*–an unsettling déjà vu descended on us).

The supervisor reviewed our official deed, then used it just to provide our address to the woman at the keyboard. She began the (apparently) laborious process of opening a new account. Now everybody should have an account, but one felt like this was the first time an account had ever been opened. There was discussion about how to enter the address, how to print the bill, and even (no kidding) how much to charge us. The supervisor even asked us if we had an e-mail from the condominio stating what the charges were for this year! Wasn’t SIMAPA the ones who determined the charges, I thought? I told him “no” initially, but Judy checked her account and did find it.

They proceeded to develop a receipt, but I could see the supervisor and the lady on the keyboard were a little concerned by the size of the bill. It was, after all, for many years, and I am sure they have had some surly customers come in and go ballistic over a large bill. I told them they had approximated the bill for us once before, so we were ready for it, which seemed to alleviate their concerns. I even joked that we only wanted to pay our bill, not purchase all of SIMAPA (I got a little smile for that Dad-joke).

Finally, we paid the bill, got signed originals of the account statement, and went on our way, safe in the knowledge we were no longer sewage outlaws.

Solo en México.

Frames of Reference

Ever take a good hard look at your frames of reference? By that I mean the experiences, education, travel, lifestyle and intellectual pursuits that are not necessarily unique to you, but frame how you process and make sense of what’s going on around you. Some might call them your biases, but I think that’s a little too pejorative: we all have them, so why automatically think of them as negative?

“they seem so small!”

For example, I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. I had a frame of reference that people were basically honest and friendly, schools were competent, the local authorities honest, and opportunities abounded. Americana 101. I also believed large cities were dirty, and people there were rude or potentially violent. Their schools were ramshackle. Their police might entrap you. Their government was corrupt.

I eventually lived in or near big cities, where I confirmed everything I previously held about them! I also learned the big cities were cosmopolitan, held cultural treasures, and had even more opportunities. And small towns could be somewhat provincial; imagine that!

The entire concept of generational cohorts (think “The Greatest Generation” or Baby-Boomers, Gen-Xers, Millennials) involves frames of reference. People who go through the same major events (say WWII) at around the same age tend to develop a common way of thinking. It’s not universal, but it is useful as a way to generalize about them. My grandmother, who survived the Great Depression as a young woman, always kept on hand a large supply of canned goods and other things, and retained a profound distrust of banks. Those characteristics were common among her generation, and persisted long after the cause for them ended: for example, when banks became federally insured.

What about your unconscious frames? If you grew up in the States, you most likely imbibed an English cultural frame. Which does not mean an understanding of English History; good heavens no! Most Americans think The War of the Roses was a 1989 divorce flick. No, I mean an English view of history and culture. France and the French: weak, decadent, presumptuous. Spain and the Spanish: corrupt, untrustworthy, nefarious. Germany and the Germans: autocratic, efficient, and of course Nazis. China and Chinese: inscrutable. India and the Indians: Servile. England and the English: indefatigable, educated, and enterprising. Hmmmmm, one of these things is not like the others! Where did Americans, who originally had little contact with many of these countries, get these stereotypes, some of which were contradicted by early American experience (France and Spain sided with us in the revolution against England)?

Frames are hard to identify simply by introspection; new experiences–or encountering other frames–make it easier. As an expat, I often laugh at some aspects of the US history I once learned: all about Plymouth Plantation and the English colony of Jamestown. Only after living in Latin America did I stop and reconsider that the Spanish settlement of St. Augustine, Florida, was forty-two years old when the English got to Jamestown, and the only reason Jamestown survived was the Spanish decided not to attack it.

As an expat, you bring a lifetime of frames to your new home. Expect police to be well-paid, well-trained public servants dedicated to the rule of law? Government to be efficient and transparent? Law to be impartial? Depending on where you land, maybe, maybe not. The reverse is also true. Where you once might have experienced people judged implicitly by their skin color, you might find those judgments applied to shades, or accents, or even facial structures!

Whether for good or ill, frames exist and affect us everyday. For expats, identifying your frames may be critical to whether you can ever fit in your new community. Change in cultural frames happens slowly, and almost never by external forces (I’m thinking the pacification of Germany and Japan as exceptions that prove the rule). When you come from somewhere else, you’re free to observe, to comment with courtesy, but most of all to respect the new culture. It may welcome you, but you sought it; it didn’t seek you.