A Mexican Driver’s License Test

Having recently prepared for this test, even though I was never asked to take it when renewing my licensia, I decided to make a helpful practice test so you can play along at home. Make sure to keep track of whether you guessed the legal or real answers. Enjoy!

This sign indicates:

  1. Don’t go there
  2. Don’t even think of going there
  3. 🎵 Don’t stop, believing 🎵
  4. Don’t stop

The legal answer, and the real answer, is (4).

If you see this sign, you should:

  1. Drive no more than 110 miles per hour
  2. Drive no more than 68 miles per hour
  3. Wonder what the difference between kilometers and miles is
  4. Ignore it like everybody else on the road.

The legal answer is (2), the real answer is (4), but let’s face it, you’ll probably do (3).

You stop to let a pedestrian cross the road; he does this toward you. It means:

  1. “¡Muchas Gracias!”
  2. “Talk to the mano, gringo.”
  3. “What’s the modal finger?”
  4. “If I only had my gun!”

There is no legal answer, but the real answer is (1).

The car in front of you has its left turn signal on. It means:

  1. The driver will turn left
  2. The driver is indicating it is clear for you to pass on the left
  3. The driver is a gringo who turned his signal on in 2019
  4. The car only has one working light bulb

Both (1) and (2) are legally correct, but (3) and (4) are also real. Best to ignore the blinking left signal in all cases!

In Mexico, this is:

  1. Likely to occur on any highway
  2. Why you don’t drive at night
  3. Not going to happen where the sign says
  4. All the above

You already know it’s (4).

You come upon this sign. It indicates:

  1. You are approaching a roundabout
  2. You can’t get there from here
  3. We are all part of the circle of life
  4. You do you.

The legal answer is (1), but all answers are equally real.

If the first image means “right turn” and the second image means “left turn,” the third image means:

  1. 🎵All my friends know the low rider 🎵
  2. Slowing down or stopping
  3. Left turn but my arm got tired
  4. Look, I can drive with one hand

Legally, (2), but quien sabe?

If you see this sign, you should:

  1. Slow down because there are topes ahead
  2. Slow down because once upon a time there were topes ahead
  3. Slow down because the road has a ditch in it
  4. Slow down for the topless beach

The legal answer is (1), but for God’s sake, just slow down!

This sign indicates:

  1. You are now entering El Paso
  2. Yield
  3. You’re not in Kansas anymore
  4. You took a wrong turn in Albuquerque

(2) is the legal answer; (3) & (4) may also be real.

What does this symbol indicate?

  1. No hat zone
  2. Sombrero only zone
  3. Inspection site ahead
  4. Can you say mordita? Sure, I knew you could.

The legal answer is (3). ‘Nuff said.

In Mexico, this is:

  1. Exemplary helmet-wearing
  2. HOV-4 compliant
  3. Cheaper than a minivan
  4. Everyday, everywhere

Who knows, legally? All four are real!

If you see this view in Mexico, you should:

  1. Look for the hidden tope
  2. Have gassed up earlier
  3. Watch out for cows disguised as tumbleweeds
  4. Check for the motorbike about to pass you on the right

Only (3) is wrong. Mexican cows don’t bother with camouflage.

The cross street you are approaching is ______; you should ______:

  1. One way to the right; turn right only
  2. One way to the right; turn right if that is where you want to go
  3. real; stop and ask for directions
  4. whatever; do you

The legal answer is (1). (2) is a real answer. (4) is always correct. (3) is a trick: you never, never, NEVER ask directions in Mexico. Mexicans want to be helpful. They will offer directions even if (1) they don’t understand you, (2) they don’t know where you want to go, or (3) they don’t know where the destination is.

This shows:

  1. Room for more riders
  2. Mexico invented ride-sharing
  3. Sear belts are theoretically required
  4. Nothing to see here

Probably (2), and long before smart phones!

How did you do? If you tried to keep score, you have already failed! In Mexico, scores are arbitrary and you have missed the point. If you guessed (most of) the real answers, consider yourself ready to drive here.

“Licenses? We ain’t got no licenses. We don’t need no stinkin’ licenses!”

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